THE ULTIMATE SEX AND THE CITY MATRIX

A definitive ranking of every episode of HBO's Sex and The City, created with a mathematical rubric.

Welcome to the only Sex and The City episode guide you will ever want. Only one show can be both dated and timeless, glossy and gritty, and poignant and hilarious all at once, and because of this, I have made it my personal mission to provide you with a meticulously researched, painstakingly calculated, and utterly fabulous ranking to suit all your SATC needs. Now that we have entered the year 2020, I found it high time to revisit my favorite television series. It was a decade ago that I watched the show for the first time, in my dorm room, popping in one Netflix-provided DVD after the next (waiting about a week between each DVD). I thought it fitting to celebrate mine and SATC's 10 year anniversary by ranking every episode based on a scale of my own making. Here is how the rubric breaks down:

Every episode has 100 points:

5 for Memorability - Iconic moments or particularly unforgettable scenes in an episode - perhaps we will call it the 'zsa zsa zsu'.

15 for Politically Palatable - How well does the episode hold up today in regards to offensiveness?

15 for Joke Value - Joke density and quality of jokes, word puns, etc.

20 for Storylines - Are all four storylines compelling? Is the script well written?

25 for Performances - Actors' (supporting or lead) have delivered great performances throughout the episode.

20 for Fashion - Memorable outfits of both the illustrious and disastrous variety.

There are 94 delicious episodes of the seminal series, and honestly, there isn't a bad one in the bunch, but some are better than others. Some things I've discovered on my journey through the Matrix:

Seasons 2, 4 and 6B are far and away the superior seasons. Although Season 1 is teeming with great moments and should be lauded for its impact on the landscape of sex comedies and television in general, it struggles to find its footing until the later episodes.

Season 2 is perhaps the most stylized of the series, trying on some wickedly funny conceits before the show finally decides to dig into more ardent fare.

Season 3, although very good for the majority, is uneven and is essentially designed around the Big/Carrie affair.

Season 4 gives us so much, some of the best moments and most nuanced episodes of the show's run. The series is firing on all cylinders and employing a yummy turbulence as the transition to Season 5 and 6 nears.

Season 5 is the black sheep of the bunch. The shortened season holds a nervous energy around with it, which is often combatted with a sticky spoonful of sugar to make it go down easier (think 'Anchors Away' and 'I Love A Charade'). This is why during this watch it felt so much warmer than previous viewings, but the aimlessness of the characters is palpable. It lacks a caustic edge, even though Carrie is an absolute wreck. Not only is Season 5 the first season forced to contend with the aftermath of 9/11, but it is a season that sees all four girls truly lost.

The tectonic plates of womanhood seemingly shift in Season 6, giving us the most adult season of the six, which makes sense. The girls have finally narrowed the gulf between partygirl singledom and settled down coupledom and found happy mediums between the two - but not without a few searing fights and realizations.

I've also discovered that Cynthia Nixon has the most consistent (and frankly best) performance of the entire ensemble, but there is nobody the show could center around other than Sarah Jessica Parker. With her flaws and charm, she exudes a magnetism unrivaled by other comedic anti-heroines I've seen in recent years (except for Phoebe Waller-Bridge).

Thank you for indulging in my little experiment. Without further delay, I give you, the SATC Matrix.

#94 "Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl..." 3.4 Of all the crimes against humanity that Carrie has committed, including crimes of infidelity, self-importance and considering marrying her gay friend to get a piece of his inheritance, perhaps her most offensive is her rampant biphobia. This behavior is only made worse by the fact that the episode begins with Carrie's voiceover positing that it really takes a lot to shock a New Yorker. In this sweaty exploration of feminine and masculine behavior, Carrie dates a bisexual and the many insulting takes on this include 1) he's being greedy 2) being a bi is just a "layover on the way to Gaytown" and 3) bisexuality doesn't exist. It's not Carrie's distaste for bisexuality that makes this episode so cringey, but her complete misunderstanding and erasure of it. Meanwhile, Samantha hires a hot male assistant with an attitude problem, and Charlotte agrees to cross dress for an artist's project defying gender norms. Miranda struggles with Steve invading her space and finding out that sheisn't domestic but, as a surprise to nobody, Steve doesn't care and moves in. At least we get a reluctant kiss between Alanis Morrisette and SJP.

Memorability 5

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 2

Performances 18

Joke Value 9

Fashion 18

Score: 65

#93 "No Ifs, Ands, or Butts" 3.5 I am so conflicted about this episode. On the one hand, we meet turquoise-wielding Aidan for the first time, beginning a romantic adventure that defines a huge piece of the show. On the other hand, a ham-fisted storyline about dating someone of another race. On another hand over here, Steve thinks he's going to win a million dollars by making a half court shot at a Knicks game and Stanford dates a creepy doll hoarder. On the other, we learn just how addicted to nicotine Carrie is. I just don't know. Turns out, Samantha is your ill-informed friend who considers themselves an "equal opportunity offender" who can't be racist because she knows one black person and doesn't see color. *slaps forehead* We learn this as she dates Chivon Williams, a music industry mogul who is the brother of Adeena Williams, a chef and food writer at the New York Star. Adeena tells Samantha she doesn't want her dating her brother. Stereotypes abound, and although we might assume Samantha isn't racist, this episode does her no favors. Aidan is presented as an obvious antithesis to Mr. Big and the chemistry between him and Carrie is surprisingly pretty electric from the outset. However,the message behind quitting smoking is wildly confused down to the final line: "In the end, I did it for me. Just hope he's worth it." Huh?

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 2

Performances 19

Joke Value 9

Fashion 16

Score: 66

#92 "Four Women and A Funeral" 2.5 For the most part, this episode is forgettable, but it gives us a few fun developments. Miranda buys an apartment and has a panic attack about the possibility of dying alone. Charlotte gets conned by a widower. Samantha becomes the town pariah for putting the moves on a married man. But most importantly, Carrie revives her relationship with Mr. Big with one phone call, which always felt a tad sudden. Unfortunately, Charlotte provides some very outdated philosophies on men being uninterested in women who are self-sufficient so I had to deduct for that in the Politically Palatable realm, but it's fun to see Carrie and Big back together again. In the same way that it's fun to see a snake eat a mouse. In perhaps the strangest leap I've seen in the series, Samantha is saved from being a social outcast by none other than Leonardo DiCaprio?? It's not really Leo, just an outline of a man's head and shoulders, but I guess they needed to get her out of that hole of a storyline. Carrie and Big go bowling, which I disagree with Carrie is the least sexy place you could go, and thus, Carrie and Big begin again.

Memorability 3

Storyline 12

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 15

Joke Value 9

Fashion 15

Score: 66

#91 "Bay of Married Pigs" 1.3 Pigs indeed. This episode baffles me. Carrie visits her married friend in the Hamptons only to be Louis C.K.'d by her friend's husband! And then, the friend gets mad at Carrie and asks her to leave! This is why Carrie doesn't need friends other than Sam, Charlotte, and Miranda. The third episode in the first season tackles the idea that singles are the enemy of married people and visa versa. Apparently singles are so reviled by married people that one must pretend to be gay to get a promotion? I'm looking at you Miranda. Halfway through, Carries dates a guy who is obsessed with getting married and eventaully passes him to Charlotte who then dumps him over his poor taste in china, as one does. Anyway, Carrie concludes that the fight between Marrieds and Singles is "like the war in Northern Ireland" and goes to the movies with the gals.

Memorability 3

Storyline 12

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 17

Joke Value 9

Fashion 15

Score: 68

#90 "Games People Play" 2.13 Are we surprised that Carrie doesn't believe in therapy? We're back to monster-of-the-week kind of dating stories now that Big is living that Parisian life. In the midst of Carrie's second breakup with Big, her friends beg her to get a shrink so she doesn't talk their ears off any longer. Samantha dates a sports fanatic who's only frisky when his teams win. Miranda plays peek-a-boob with her cute neighbor in the building over, only to learn that he's been cruising a man in the window below her the whole time. The shrink Carrie meets with theorizes that she picks the wrong men which is later proven when she hooks up with Seth, played by Jon Bon Jovi, who loses interest in women after he sleeps with them. It's obvious they needed something light to follow "La Douleur Exquise!" and I guess we can accept Bon Jovi and a Cynthia Nixon titty to ease our sorrows.

Memorability 4

Storyline 10

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 16

Joke Value 10

Fashion 15

Score: 68

#89 "Boy, Interrupted" 6.10 This episode is the reason why people dislike Season 6, this episode and Petrovsky, but we still have some time before he arrives. Carrie meets up with her high school boyfriend, played by David Duchovney and thinks she has a crush on him. Turns out, he is on the east coast to spend some time in a mental institution. Samantha cons her way into the Soho House by pretending to be Annabelle Bronstein. Miranda is invited to a Knicks game by Dr. Robert...but not as his date, just as his guest. When Miranda and Charlotte attend the game together, they find a sexy cheerleader eye-fucking Robert to "Rollin' On the River." Miranda asks him if he likes the cheerleader and he confesses his crush on her. They hook up! He's hot. Stanford discovers that his boyfriend Marcus was a gay escort and breaks up with him, right before Gay Prom. Carrie goes to the prom with Stanny last minute, after breaking it off with her high school beau. Marcus shows up at the prom to win Stanford back. This episode, like "Hot Child in the City" plays with the idea of reverting back to adolescence and the ways in which we behave and navigate the terrain of dating like it's a high school popularity contest. It's not just the unfortunate fact that Carrie's high school boyfriend's mental health is the butt of so many jokes, but the sense that Duchovney is acting in a completely different series. I never get the sense he understood what SATC was, and it shows. Him and SJP have all these slow, deep, and completely unwarranted conversations throughout the episode. It's just not my fave. Thank u, next.

Memorability 3

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 10

Performances 16

Joke Value 10

Fashion 15

Score: 69

#88 "The Freak Show" 2.3 This episode seems to be very divisive as it is one of the more stylized of the series. The black and white Ellis Island footage at the start, the creepy carnival music coupled with close ups of the bachelors. Freaks have taken over the dating scene in Manhattan. It appears that men of all walks of life are getting weirder and weirder and the gals take notice. Charlotte starts dating Mr. Pussy, a man famous for his cunnilingus skills. Samantha, whose storylines are still bare at this point, considers going under the knife for plastic surgery. Carrie, after dating a heartless documentarian, a kleptomaniac, and a psycho, meets a nice, eligible guy named Ben with no freak flags to be seen. I have to say, if anybody were to ever want me to divulge which of Carrie's many suitors I think left us too soon, I will always say this guy Ben. They really have a great rapport and he's adorable! Anyway, Carrie fucks it up by getting caught digging through his things, looking for a sign of freakiness. Get it, she became the freak!

Memorability 5

Storyline 11

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 17

Joke Value 10

Fashion 13

Score: 69

#87 "A Vogue Idea" 4.17 This episode is about father figures, as if any of us watch this show to dig deep into daddy issues. At the very least, we are blessed (or cursed, however you choose to look at it) with the establishment of short-hair Carrie, and we meet Enid, Carrie's boss at Vogue, played by Candace Bergen. We also meet Julian (decidedly a curse), Enid's... something or other. Carrie has begun her freelance work at Vogue, and it turns out, her boss hates her work. Julian offers to take her under his wing. In her first meeting with him, Carrie gets so drunk off 1.5 martinis at the office that it's almost implied Julian date-raped her. Sorry I just really can't stand Julian. In a labored attempt to position Julian as Carrie's new father figure, the two have a dinner in which Carrie tells him about her dead-beat dad who left her at the age of five. Julian responds with "Your father leaves without any answers and you spend your life asking questions about men." What really annoys me about Julian and this episode in general, is that all of his good will toward encouraging Carrie to stick with Vogue and finish her article is decimated when he drops trou in the Vogue Accessories Closet. I was so thrown by the tone of this storyline, especially against the contrasting plots where Charlotte throws Miranda a baby shower and Samantha and Richard have a threesome with a young hostess (who calls Richard 'Daddy' and is swiftly sent home for making him feel old).

Memorability 4

Storyline 12

Politically Palatable 10

Performances 19

Joke Value 10

Fashion 15

Score: 70

#86 "The Power of Female Sex" 1.5 The one where Carrie gets paid for sex. The idea of sex and power, money and sex, and money and power is introduced in this episode. It's the first time we kinda-sorta delve into Carrie's money troubles. Fortunately for her, Amalita, a random Euro-trash golddigger lady who Carrie finds "fun" buys Carrie a pair of shoes and introduces her to a rich French architect (who looks freakishly engineered by a sex doll factory). Meanwhile, Skipper continues to be disgusting, confessing to Carrie that he doesn't shower after having sex with Miranda so he can smell like her......Anyway, the French architect goes back to France and leaves Carrie $1,000 after a night of passionate sex. I love Miranda's fervent feminism in this episode. Charlotte's pussy being painted I care about much less, but good for you Charlotte. Honestly I wouldn't be mad to see the return of Amalita someday. She does seem fun.

Memorability 3

Storyline 11

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 19

Joke Value 10

Fashion 15

Score: 70

#85 "Models and Mortals" 1.2 LOL This episode is so weird and NYC specific. Let's disect the moving parts - Carrie is investigating men who exclusively date models a.k.a Modelizers after Miranda discovers she is dating one. I suppose the idea gets turned on its head when Carrie takes Stanford's client Derek the model home with her and discovers he's just a small town boy overwhelmed by modeling and the big city. Or does it? Additionally, there's a strange Groundhog Day dinner party, creepy Barkley and his "installation" a.k.a. non consensual porn, and surprise, Mr. Big is a reformed Modelizer. Let us never forget that Mr. Big calls Carrie's column "cute" in this episode. This is also the first episode in which we hear a metaphor that mentions "a rent controlled apartment overlooking the park." The first of many metphors to mention such a thing. P.S. Giving this episode extra outfit points because it's the first full length fur coat sighting on Carrie!

Memorability 4

Storyline 11

Politically Palatable 11

Performances 18

Joke Value 11

Fashion 17

Score: 72

#84 "The Awful Truth" 2.2 Somebody get Susan Sharon a fucking therapist, you guys! This poor woman. Ok, so in a truly shocking twist, Samantha is STILL dating micro-dick James, but has avoided having sex with him for weeks (don't worry, they finally break up in this episode). Miranda is dating a guy who likes to talk dirrty during sex, but Miranda believes "sex is not a time to chat." Charlotte gets a shitty dog. These early episodes in Season 2 still have the talking heads of random New Yorkers looking straight at the camera, but you can sense that although the bits are still funny, they are leaning away from using them. The question of the episode is honesty in a relationship - omissions, lies, and fibs. It's Carrie's birthday, and she gets a bouquet of red roses from Big. She awkwardly invites him to her birthday dinner and he shows up with his douchey pal, Jack. There's something about secret, shameful kinks that really inspires Darren Star, who wrote this episode. After Miranda finally takes the bait and engages in dirty talk with her man, she brings up how much he enjoys a finger in his ass and he recoils, much like the guy she dated who secretly liked spanking. All in all, it's an okay episode with some funny moments.

Memorability 2

Storyline 11

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 20

Joke Value 11

Fashion 16

Score: 72

#83 "The Turtle and the Hare" 1.9 "It's always better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them," says the bride. Our first wedding! We are exploring the idea of settling in this episode. And the Rabbit! Carrie is stressed because Big says he never wants to get married again. Miranda introduces the gang to the greatest vibrator of the all time, to which Charlotte becomes addicted. Stanford suggests that him and Carrie should settle on each other and get married so he can come into his inheritance. Samantha, once again, has a lackluster storyline making over a cheesy man with bad breath called the "Turtle".

Memorability 3

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 18

Joke Value 10

Fashion 16

Score: 72

#82 "Three's a Crowd" 1.8 Threesomes are on the menu and they're going like hotcakes! There are two good storylines in this episode. The first is Carrie's exploration into Big's past life with his ex-wife, and the second is Miranda feeling neurotic about the other three gals not picking her to be part of their fantasy threesomes. There are also two lame storylines in this episode. The first is Charlotte considering having a threesome with her new beau and the second is Samantha sleeping with a married man who ends up leaving his wife for her. In between all of these stories are funny talking heads and Carrie's fake "children's book for adults" about little Cathy and her magic cigarettes, which boosted this episode in points.

Memorability 3

Storyline 12

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 19

Joke Value 11

Fashion 15

Score: 73

#81 "Frenemies" 3.16 I don't know whether to describe this episode as the one where Miranda's date dies or the one where Samantha & Charlotte get in a war. As Carrie says, "We knew this was coming." Charlotte essentially slut shames Samantha for her love of banging strangers and Samantha responds by mocking Charlotte's sexless marriage. Awkwardly, Carrie and Miranda opt to stay fully out of the feud. Charlotte decides to spend more time with her old sorority sisters, who find her too saucy for their taste (gifting us the most relatable line out of Charlotte's mouth "I mean, don't you ever just want to be really pounded hard?") and Samantha befriends a tart named Claire Anne who gives a guy a blow job at the table in a public restaurant. Charlotte confronts Trey about her sexual needs and he fucks her for a full minute and a half. The first person Charlotte calls about it is Samantha (awwww). Against Carrie's warning, Miranda starts dating a former fling of Carrie's she meets at her date's wake. The guy turns out to be a complete asshole. In one of the less compelling storylines, Carrie teaches a class at the Learning Annex about how to meet men. It's a clunky episode which serves only to further Charlotte's relationship with Trey, but it's ok.

Memorability 3

Storyline 12

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 19

Joke Value 12

Fashion 15

Score: 74

#80 "Sex and the City" 1.1 Umm, ok so this is the pilot episode. Welcome to Sex and the City! I personally don't find this episode as cringy as others do, but it does have a certain bleakness to it, and pushes the "Carrie as anthropologist" thing with an almost noir vibe. The only thing that makes this episode memorable is the fact that it's the first episode. We meet all the girls, we meet Big, we get our first abso-fuckin-lutely, we even meet Skipper (gross). The episode hinges on the idea that Carrie is going to start "having sex like a man" (ok?) meaning she is going to fuck without feeling anything afterward. I mean, I GET it, but I don't really get it. Luckily, Big knocks her down a peg at the end of the episode and essentially tells her this idea is stupid haha. As far as fashion goes, nothing special to report other than Carrie being ultra thotty in her asymmetrical mini dress and leopard bustier. I had to knock off points in the performance category because Willie Garson's Stanford is so over the top I almost spit out my red wine. The Tim and Elizabeth of it all, Carrie talking to the camera, Samatha hitting on Mr. Big AND hooking up with Charlotte's date? It's a rocky start, but it's fun to watch.

Memorability 5

Storyline 11

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 18

Joke Value 10

Fashion 17

Score: 74

#79 "All That Glitters" 4.14 The most pivotal development in this episode is, yes you guessed it - Miranda's office is implementing Casual Fridays! I'm kidding, but that does happen. It's shocking that it took four seasons to find the girls in a gay club, but here we are. Samantha takes ecstacy and tells Richard she loves him. The thing is, she does. Carrie is concerned that she's falling into an unglamorous rut with Aidan, who would rather eat chicken wings and get a belly rub than go out. Miranda is outed as pregnant at work by a gay guy, who she then outs by accident. House & Garden is going to do a photo shoot of Charlotte and Trey's apartment, but Charlotte and Trey could not be in a worse place, as they've decided to officially call it off. To stop herself frome settling and becoming boring, Carrie befriends a fabulous gay foreigner (named Oliver Spencer, of course) who goes out to hot clubs with her and gives her gay porn. She also dallies in wearing her engagement ring on a necklace because it's "closer to her heart this way." No, Carrie. House & Garden comes to shoot the apartment and Trey does something nice; he shows up. Carrie's new gay bff stops paying attention to her at a club and she realizes that her single life isn't so great after all. But she still keeps her ring on her neck. It's a fine episode with lots of of fun extras, but it's mostly just preparing us for "Change of A Dress".

Memorability 3

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 19

Joke Value 11

Fashion 15

Score: 74

#78 "The Perfect Present" 6.3 Is this Jennifer Coolidge's greatest performance? Yes. Should Sharper Image be sued for issuing Berger's fucking insane rain forest sound machine? Yes. Get a normal white noise machine like everyone else. Is Big's Napa vineyard and hot tub a sound stage with a terrible backdrop at Silvercup Studios? Yes. I'm glad we got all of that out of the way. This episode explores past relationships getting in the way of your present relationships, by way of Carrie's ex (Big) and Berger's ex (Lauren). It seems as though Lauren might have left a pretty large mark on Berger (not least of all the sound machine dependency) but the bigger question is what are we to do with Carrie and Big having phone sex years after dating each other? Miranda finds condoms in Brady's diaper bag and is faced with the harsh reality that Steve's seeing someone else, so she picks a random fight with him to ease her pain. Charlotte mourns the loss of Christmas as she continues on her journey to becoming a Jew. Samantha and Smith fuck again at Jennifer Coolidge's sad purse party where he's a cater waiter. He gets fired so Samantha offers him $300 to compensate, which pisses him off. Carrie decides to open the "ex-file" after Berger gets a voicemail from Lauren and he shares that she cheated on him and he's still sore from it. It's after this confession that Carrie realizes her and Berger are on their way to being serious, so she cuts off sexy phone time with Big. He seems genuinely sad. This episode echoes a lot of ideas from the first season when Carrie investigates Big's ex-wife, and when she gets paid by a French architect after a one-night stand (in Sam's storyline). It's interesting to watch how they react to these similar scenarios in the first season and the last season side by side. I would imagine Season 1 Carrie would've flipped the fuck out if she found a voicemail from Big's ex on his machine. Season 6 Carrie is either a lot more chill or a lot less into Berger.

Memorability 4

Storyline 11

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 18

Joke Value 14

Fashion 15

Score: 75

#77 "The Cheating Curve" 2.6 "Sweetheart, that's all very nice. But if you're not going to eat pussy, you're not a dyke." She said what she said, y'all. Some of my favorite moments in SATC stem from when a topic arrises that gives the girls an opportunity to disagree in depth i.e. cheating. Charlotte, unsurprisingly has a strict no cheating policy, and Samantha, unsurprisingly still, is much more flexible. Carrie believes there's a cheating curve. Each one deals with a version of cheating - Miranda's boyfriend watches porn while they have sex, Samantha's trainer has been shaving lightning bolts into her pubes and evidently everyone else's pubes, and Charlotte's man du jour makes out with a random during an art show and doesn't consider it cheating, prompting Charlotte to start spending time with a group of trendy lesbians because their "lives aren't complicated by men". Carrie is cheating on her friends with Mr. Big as they start dating again. The girls find out Carrie is seeing Big and a heated argument ensues. This episode also features the most disgusting looking fondue I've ever seen and an emergency diaphragm excavation.

Memorability 4

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 18

Joke Value 13

Fashion 15

Score: 75

#76 "Critical Condition" 5.6 Doesn't Nina Katz actually seem like the biggest bitch? Nina Katz, a booker for SNL, bumps into Carrie at a horrendous Broadway review show (in which Stanford's boyfriend Marcus is a dancer). She tells Carrie she dated Aidan after their breakup and then makes a nasty face, implying that Carrie must've done some major damage. Despite getting rave reviews for her book, Carrie finds herself on a hunt to explain herself to Katz. Her friends do not entertain this bullshit, but she persists. Charlotte is up against Bunny in the dispute for her apartment and hires our beloved Harry Goldenblatt for the gig. Miranda is in full mommy mode as Brady is being an asshole on a non-stop crying jag. She can't find the time to shower, do laundry or get a haircut. Meanwhile, Samantha has all the time in the world, and won't acknowledge that Miranda is struggling. Miranda's outfits are so funny in this episode, she is so clearly drowning so deep in spit up that she's mixing florals with stripes with sandals with massive hair barettes. It's great. Samantha surprises Miranda by showing up at her apartment and gifting her a haircut while she babysits. Brady throws a fit and Samantha consoles him by putting her new vibrator on his bouncy chair. As Charlotte is about to give up against Bunny, Trey sends a telegram (in 2002?) telling his mother to give Charlotte whatever she wants.Carrie finally confronts Nina (and Heather Graham) and realizes she was more afraid of confronting how she may have hurt Aidan than she was to get a bad review from Nina. At this point, SJP is seriously pregnant, so if you happen to notice Carrie's style has gone a little....shapeless? flowy? Thats why. It's a fun drinking game to try and spot how many objects she shields her tummy with throughout this season. Anyway, this episode is fine.

Memorability 4

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 18

Joke Value 12

Fashion 15

Score: 76

#75 "Great Sexpectations" 6.2 Carrie and Berger have sex for the first time and it's terrible. Samantha has eyes for a hot waiter at a raw food restuarant (enter Jerry Jerrod a.k.a. Smith Jerrod a.k.a. the Absolut Hunk a.k.a. the closest Samantha will ever get to marriage). Miranda tries to erase Steve from her memory by dating her TiVo and has an existential crisis when Magda accidently deletes all of her Jules & Mimi episodes. Charlotte visits a Rabbi to get the deets on converting to Judaism and finds out that they like to play hard to get (I never noticed until this watch that we only just met Harry five episodes ago). In an attempt to spice things up, Carrie buys some lingerie and gets really drunk on margaritas with Berger, but instead of heating things up, they both fall asleep. I couldn't help but notice Carrie's dress from "Games People Play" is hanging in her closet behind her when she tries to sexily strip down for Berger before he passes out on her bed. Perhaps a reminder of what the wise Dr. G told us - that Carrie picks the wrong men *cough cough* Berger *cough cough*. Or maybe just a reminder of the fact that Berger and Carrie are playing games instead of just talking to each other about their lack of chemistry in bed. Or maybe neither of these things! I don't know! Anyway, they wake up in the morning and finally discuss the awkward elephant in the room, leading to a steamy breakfast of furry-heeled sex.

Memorability 4

Storyline 12

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 20

Joke Value 11

Fashion 15

Score: 76

#74 "The Big Time" 3.8 This is a bit of a maintenance episode wrapped up in a fancy pashmina about fate. Basically an amuse bouche before Carrie and Big's affair. First of all, we learn that Carrie lost her virginity on a ping pong table. Samantha gets a catalog for pre-menopausal woman and fears that she's officially over the hill when her period is late (she eventually gets it on a set of $2,000 sheets). Charlotte learns what a kegel muscle is and is 100% sure that Trey is the one. Carrie needs to get a new dry cleaner who won't watch her beg through a window while her clothes are held captive. Miranda and Steve are on the rocks and Steve decides the best thing to do is have a baby. *Note: She does not agree.* Steve convinces her to get a puppy instead. Carrie, Charlotte, and Trey go to a party on a boat for a new magazine and Carrie runs into Big and shockingly plays it pretty cool. This episode is full of characters acting in ways they normally don't; Samantha is depressed, Carrie is cool and collected, Steve is needy and impulsive, and Big is suddenly a confused stalker. Steve and Miranda's break up comes out of left field, but it's still sad.

Memorability 3

Storyline 10

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 11

Fashion 16

Score: 76

#73 "Attack of the 5'10" Woman" 3.3 By this time, the people behind the show have really begun to nail the structure of the episodes and one-off dates are fewer and farther between. Big is officially married and we learn about their wedding through the New York Times Wedding Section. Miranda's new housekeeper Magda doesn't approve of Miranda's modern woman lifestyle that includes coffee and vibrators, and she attempts to switch her to tea and prayer. This is the intro to our beloved Magda who will reappear time and time again. Carrie runs in to Natasha in a dressing room and calculates a plan to look effortlessly fabulous at a luncheon they're both attending. Carrie splurges on a new outfit to eschew feelings of inferiority only to discover that Natasha is a no-show at the luncheon. The gals go to a spa where Charlotte struggles with her own feelings of inferiority and body dysmorphia and Samantha basically sexually assaults a message therapist she assumed would go down on her. In the final moment, Carrie receives a card from Natasha thanking her for attending the luncheon. The card, much to Carrie's delight, presents a misspelling "Sorry I couldn't be their." It's such a blaring snafu that you wonder if Natasha did it on purpose. But it makes our girl feel better and for that we are grateful.

Memorability 4

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 19

Joke Value 11

Fashion 16

Score: 77

#72 "To Market, To Market" 6.1 This may go down in history as the one and only episode where any character takes the subway, and it is taken by none other than Miss Carrie Bradshaw. Carrie's newspaper, The New York Star, goes public so she's asked to ring the bell at the Stock Exchange, hence the subway ride downtown. This Season 6 premiere hits the stock metaphor hard, which I'm fine with, even though at this point, it's sort of been done before except with the concept of gambling, etc. Carrie and Berger try to schedule their first official date, but the gals suggest she go on another date to take the pressure off Berger. Charlotte tries to navigate how serious Harry is about his rule regarding marrying a Jewish woman. She tells him about her struggles in the reproductive realm and it doesn't bother him, endearing him to her even more. Miranda finally admits she's in love with Steve (admits to herself and to Carrie, not to Steve). She plans to tell him at a romantic dinner but he beats her to the punch and reveals that he's dating someone new and isn't in love with her anymore. Samantha's sad plotline involves the gentrification of her neighborhood and fucking a dude who gets arrested for insider trading. In an attempt to dodge Berger while she's not picture perfect, Carrie unexpectantly runs into Aidan and his new spawn. I don't know why, but I'm obsessed with the fact that Aidan married a woman named Cathy. Anyway, Carrie calls Berger for an impromptu date and the mad reign of Jack Berger begins.

Memorability 3

Storyline 12

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 20

Joke Value 11

Fashion 17

Score: 77

#71 "Let There Be Light" 6.13 or 6B.1 Man, is it cringey watching Carrie and Petrovsky interact. It's not that he isn't sexy, he IS. It's just that he is SO obviously not right for Carrie that it becomes painful to endure. At least, at the beginning of this episode, Carrie knows this and is only seeking a "lover" and not a boyfriend. Until she sleeps with him, then she discovers she likes him and discovers he is somewhat of a whore with a quick Google search. Now that Miranda and Steve are back together, they have to deal with the fall out of Dr. Robert Leeds, Miranda's perfect ex boyfriend and neighbor. Miranda believes he's still in love with her, but Steve realizes he's pretty much over it when he intrudes on an orgy in Robert's apartment. Charlotte is feeling charitable after spending so much time thinking about herself and decides to be a guide for a blind person. She has to practice being blind and goes to a department store with Carrie with a blindfold. Carrie proceeds to lose her in the store like the great friend she is and goes shoe shopping with Andy Cohen (yes, he is the department store shoe guy!) in preparation for her next date with her "lover". The emotional heft of the episode comes from Smith's reaction to Samantha's attempt to sabotage their relationship when she fucks Richard (yes, THAT Richard) at a teen party at one of his hotels. As she leaves wracked with guilt and regret, she finds Smith waiting for her in the lobby. They leave together and it feels like their relationship is truly solidified for the first time. Unlike the other seasons, Season 6B shows a rare, wintery NYC, which relfects the state of affairs in Carrie's life; cold, hard to navigate and slightly grim. The episode is nothing to write home about, save for the cameo of Smith's "fuck yoga" t-shirt and a few set ups for episodes to come.

Memorability 3

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 10

Fashion 15

Score: 77

#70 "Plus One Is the Loneliest Number" 5.5

The time has finally come for Carrie's book party! And the first appearance of one Jack Berger. It was inevitable that Carrie would eventually find a tortured Manhattan writer type. She meets Berger in her agent's office and they spend the day together, until Carrie invites him to be her plus one at the book party and SURPRISE, he casually mentions he has a live-in girlfriend. Miranda has to tell Chuck Bass's dad (from Season 4, Episode 13) that she's had a baby since last fucking him. Samantha gets a chemical peel for the party and ends up looking like Voldemort with a bad sunburn, Charlotte finally hooks up with a new guy since Trey. Unfortunately, Bunny pays her a visit while her gentleman is still in his pajamas to tell her that her apartment still belongs to the MacDougals, despite Trey having told her she could have it in the settlement. With all of the hoopla at the big book party, including but not limited to an Isaac Mizrahi cameo, an unannounced Berger, Samantha the beekeeper, Miranda and Chuck Bass's dad leaving to have sex, and Stanford trying to make Anthony jealous, the real MVP of the episode is Carrie's driver for the evening, who promptly takes her out for a hot dog after learning she wrote a book.

Memorability 3

Storyline 11

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 21

Joke Value 13

Fashion 15

Score: 77

#69 "Ring A Ding Ding" 4.16 The only episode that fully lifts the curtain on Carrie's financial situation. "I've spent $40,000 on shoes and I have no place to live?" That about sums it up. A lot of minutiae is revealed in this episode. We see Big's office, we learn how much Carrie pays in rent ($750, gtfo), we discover she has $900 bucks in savings, and we learn that Charlotte can really serve some truth bombs when the time is right. Since Carrie and Aidan are no more, he gives her 30 days to buy her apartment back from him or she's gotta skeedaddle. Turns out, buying hundreds of Manolo Blahniks at $400 a pair has left Carrie less than wealthy. She starts to weigh her options and see if she can afford to put a down payment on her place and it's looking grim - so grim that she goes to Big for money advice. He writes her a check for $30,000. It's rather obvious from the start that she's visiting him to divulgr that her and Aidan have broken up...and, in my opinion, she KNOWS he's going to offer her the money. Samantha and Miranda offer to give her a loan and she declines, but gets pissed when Charlotte doesn't make an offer. Charlotte contends that money and friendship don't mix and that frankly, it's not her job to fix Carrie's finances. I mean, she's kinda right. But Carrie is still mad, especially after discovering Charlotte is still wearing her wedding ring AND doesn't even need to work. Richard tells Samantha he loves her and instead of reciprocating, she withholds the sentiment. Miranda and Steve share a nice mercy fuck to soothe Miranda's rampant pregnancy horniness. In a treacly, syrupy finish, Charlotte offers Carrie her ring to make her down payment for the apartment (et. I don't think a lot of people like this episode because like 'My Motherboard, My Self' it does not offer us the escapism that more glam and carefree episodes do (even with the blatant privilege the ending exhibits). But, I like these episodes that really put the foursome's friendship to the test, and show just how different they really are. I do wonder if an episode like this is in service of the show's critics. It answers a lot of questions people started to raise after watching four seasons; how can a columnist afford that apartment? how wealthy is Charlotte? what the fuck is Carrie gonna do with that place now that she's not with Aidan? Had they not addressed Aidan's buying and reselling of Carrie's apartment, it would've been weird so I respect the attention it was paid. And of course, what must be asked of all television shows set in NYC is how the fuck can these people afford this? The answer we get from SATC is: rent control and having wealthy friends.

Memorability 5

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 20

Joke Value 12

Fashion 15

Score: 78

#68 "The Cold War" 6.17 or 6B.5 Echoes of Big's move to Paris in Season 2 reverberate throughout this episode as talk of Petrovsky's new solo show breaks. Carrie spends four days as Petrovsky's hostage to wait out the cold and be "spontaneous," ditching her friends and missing several calls from Big in the process. After Big's last visit to NYC (in which he had an angioplasty and essentially strung Carrie along only to shut her out once more), Carrie has realized that there's nothing to be gained from having ties to Big and she decides to double down on the Russian. She makes a date for him to meet her friends (and awkwardly uninvites Stanford to the affair for some reason hahaha). But still, she can't shake that her and Petrovsky don't really share their lives with each other. When the friend date finally arrives, Petrovsky skips out so he can continue working at his studio. Carrie brings the girls over to meet him while he's working and he's less than friendly. He reveals that he's not feeling confident about his upcoming installation, so Carrie puts her grievances about the iciness to the side. Other things happen too; Charlotte's dog, Elizabeth Taylor, wins a dog show despite getting her period and bleeding on Charlotte's boots; A rumor spreads that Smith is gay and Samantha is a 'fag hag' so she makes a sex tape with him and has it disseminated all over New York City; Elizabeth Taylor is gang banged at the dog park; Sam wears an afro wig, sadly.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 21

Joke Value 12

Fashion 15

Score: 78

#67 "Old Dogs, New Dicks" 2.9 Can you change a man? No, but you can apparently change a penis in middle age. This episode follows Carrie's frustration around Big checking out other women and just generally not budging for her at all. There is a very cringey bit wherein Big smokes a cigar in a restaurant. Charlotte dates a man with an uncircumsized penis and it genuinely freaks her out because she's from Connecticut and aesthetics are important to her. Her opinions on his dick with its own "carrying case" are seriously appalling. Miranda and Steve are struggling with their different schedules. Samantha discovers that an ex has become a drag queen named Samantha, in the likeness of her. Amid Big's commitment-averse antics, he rolls over in bed and knocks Carrie out of it, prompting her to punch him in the face, like really hard hahaha It's quite a hit. He gets a black eye, but ultimately they make up and Big spends the night for the first time at her place. Oh also there's a blue moon in this episode, which is maybe why everyone is acting so crazy.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 21

Joke Value 12

Fashion 14

Score: 79

#66 "Evolution" 2.11 Carrie reaches new heights in passive aggression and tries to leave various belongings at Big's in the hopes that she can one day have a drawer of her own at his place. She also takes a shit in his apartment for the first time. Miranda finds out she has a lazy ovary. Charlotte starts dating a "gay straight man" - a "new strain of heterosexual male spawned in Manhattan as the result of overexposure to fashion, exotic cuisine, musical theatre, and antique furniture." Sounds like a dream. Samantha hatches a plan to sabotage her ex Dominic, a man she used to *gasp* love, which is hard to believe since he's maybe the most forgettable of all her conquests. This episode sort of becomes a prelude to Mr. Big's behavior in the second film. When Carrie asks him what's the ideal living situation for two people in a relationship, Big says "Exactly what we have...I have my place. You have yours. We're together when we want to be and we're apart when we want to be." Like many mid-season two episodes, it's a bit of a filler, but it has its moments.

Memorability 4

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 21

Joke Value 13

Fashion 16

Score: 79

#65 "What Goes Around Comes Around" 3.17 Carrie believes her karma has been compromised after she sees Natasha in a restaurant and gets mugged immediately afterwards. Regrettably, Samantha believes it's her destiny to fuck a college virgin with the same name as hers. Charlotte hooks up with a gardener, spurring her trial separation from Trey. Miranda dates a guy she believes to be out of her league (a stroke of good karma), so she drinks herself into oblivion to relax. It's an offbeat episode with a lot of bummers; statutory rape gets thrown around casually, Miranda's storyline is sad and shows her least confident self, Samantha takes part in maybe the worst sex scene in the entire series, and Charlotte is so desperate for intimacy she becomes her own worst nightmare. Really, Natasha is the MVP of this episode with her justified and scathing, yet composed harangue when Carrie selfishly and sneakily bombards her lunch to apologize and fix her own karma. I'll let Natty say it herself: "I'm sorry about it all. I'm sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery, this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally, I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch. I guess that's just what I had to say." After this fire burn, Carrie's big take away is that her actions have caused Natasha to be put back on the market and now singles everywhere have to compete against her again. Oh Carrie.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 20

Joke Value 12

Fashion 16

Score: 79

#64 "Cover Girl" 5.4 In this long-form infomercial for Weight Watchers, Miranda tries to lose her baby weight by joining the culty weight-loss program and starts dating a guy who has an eating disorder (let's call it what it is) who can't seem to dab his face after eating her out. Carrie struggles with finding the right book cover for her book of columns. Charlotte utilizes Amazon (a 2002 Amazon!) to purchase her self-help books in peace. Samantha offers to help Carrie conjure up the perfect book cover for the price of a lunch with two martinis. When Carrie stops by her office to discuss the photo shoot, she finds Samantha giving a delivery guy a blow job. When Samantha feels judged, Carrie and Sam have their first real tiff. In the middle of picking an outfit out of the trashy options Sam has given Carrie, Sam calls Carrie out for her audacity to judge after everything they've been through together. Sam storms out of the fitting to find Stanford getting a BJ from his new boyfriend Marcus. Carrie comes back two days later to apologize for judging her, and realizes Samantha has been acting out in light of her break up with Richard. They decide on a black coat and sexy shoes for the cover. It's cute.

Memorability 3

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 21

Joke Value 13

Fashion 16

Score: 79

#63 "The Domino Effect" 6.11 Big visits NYC to get an angioplasty which makes Carrie inexplicably emotional. Steve walks in on Miranda and her perfect boyfriend Dr. Robert Leeds fucking and runs into a wall. To even the score, Miranda falls on her face at the playground while meeting Steve's girlfriend Debbie who is also very hot. Charlotte decides to try acupunture after running into a pregnant Bitsy Von Muffling, but can't seem to quiet the noise in her head. Samantha dodges Smith's advances to lock her down i.e. hold her hand. She tries so hard to not hold his hand that she falls down a sidewalk cellar door and breaks her toe. Carrie takes care of Big post-surgery (in a candy striper ensemble) and gets a glimpse of what it might be like if they grew old together. Big shows some sentimentality towards Carrie for a fleeting moment, asking "What are we doing?" They fall asleep together, and sadly, he wakes up the same old Big, closed off and ready to return to Napa. Notably, Carrie dons a fedora so high on her head it might have just landed on her without her knowledge. All in all, I always welcome an episode with a big Big moment, and the Miranda storyline is gold (or maybe I'm just partial to Robert?)

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 18

Joke Value 14

Fashion 15

Score: 79

#62 "The Monogamists" 1.7 Can you believe it took 7 episodes for our gals to jump into a blow job discussion? Charlotte's new perfect boyfriend would really like a blow job and Charlotte hates giving them. Carrie believes her and Big are dating exclusively, until she runs into him on a date with someone else. You guessed it - Carrie spirals! Enter Justin Theroux's first of two different roles throughout the series. In "The Monogamists," he's kind of a NYC writer/fuckboi hybrid who Carrie uses to try to make Big jealous. Speaking of jealousy, for some reason unknown to man, Miranda decides she wants Skipper back after seeing him with another girl, leading to the cringeworthy scene where Skipper gets a call from Miranda and subsequently breaks up with his girlfriend while he's still inside of her. Samantha has a boring storyline, per usual for Season 1, that follows her looking for an apartment with the help of multiple realtors. In the end, Carrie behaves like an immature asshole but the dynamic between her and Big starts to get fleshed out here. It may seem like I'm down on this episode, but I'm not. It's just one of those weird ones where the girls all seem a little unreasonable, but I suppose that's why we love them.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 20

Joke Value 13

Fashion 16

Score: 80

#61 "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" 2.1 Season 2 Begins! One of my favorite seasons, I must say. Carrie is all sad shoe gal after her Big breakup so the girls drag her to a Yankees game where she meets the New Yankee and invites him to go to a Dolce & Gabbana party with her (points lost in the Politically Palatable section, since D&G is racist, homophobic, sexist garbage now :( ). The full length fur coat returns, but more importantly, Miranda's overalls under a puffy coat and baseball cap ensemble surfaces, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Samantha is still dating James from Season 1, the one with the micropenis. Miranda is uncharacteristically enthusiastic about baseball in this episode, but I dig it. She's also fervently enthusiastic, if not angry, about the girls constantly discussing boyfriends, like it's "seventh grade with bank accounts". She's so hurt that nobody wants to look at her palm pilot instead of dishing about guys. Charlotte is dating a dude that keeps scratching his balls, who then breaks up with her after she buys him underwear to help his problem. Carrie, trying desperately to be prepared when Big will inevitably appear, finally runs into him while she's out with the New Yankee and has a meltdown. The baseball game is fun, the outfits are truly an EXPERIENCE, and the reveal at the end of the episode when it's Miranda that Carrie meets for a late night shrink sesh is touching, but ultimately, this episode falls a bit flat for a season opener. Still, I like it. I like seeing the girls somewhere other than their apartments or a restuarant and I love a boho Carrie moment.

Memorability 5

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 19

Joke Value 12

Fashion 17

Score: 80

#60 "Cock a Doodle Do!" 3.18 This finale may be the weakest of the bunch, even without the transphobia of it all. Carrie has a rooftop rooster issue, Samantha has noisy loiterers on her sidewalk in the form of trans sex workers a.k.a. "the other white meat" (JESUS MPK!), Charlotte has officially moved back into her apartment in her separation from Trey, and Miranda feels threatened by the lady who answers the phone at her favorite take-out place, Shanghai Garden. We all got our issues! Carrie and Miranda run into Steve and Aidan on a double date with two women named Susan and Jessica (this isn't relevant, I just find it funny). This encounter causes a discussion between the girls about the rate at which men and women move on after a relationship. Big calls Carrie and asks to meet for lunch at the Boathouse Restaurant in Central Park (another irrelevant detail, but I find it amusing). Carrie tells Miranda about the Big lunch and Miranda serves her some realness, causing a huge fight reminiscent of their fight in the first film. Miranda bumps into Steve at Shanghai Garden and gets some perspective, as Steve is ought to do. In light of their recent separation, Trey's penis decides it actually does want Rebecca a.k.a. Charlotte's vagina and they have passionate sex, followed by a heartfelt conversation about why they even got married in the first place. Carrie and Miranda make up right before the Big lunch date, and in an effort to avoid kissing Big, Carrie and Big fall into the boathouse lake (a scene made so much more enjoyable by the genuine reactions from SJP and Noth). It's in these final moments that Big and Carrie morph into the "BFFS" they become in the fourth season. Samantha throws a rooftop BBQ for her new transexual friends and the girls drink flirtinis until sunset. Are we to equate the trans women to roosters at the end of this episode? Or are the girls roosters?? The metaphor is....interesting.

Memorability 5

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 10

Performances 20

Joke Value 13

Fashion 18

Score: 80

#59 "Where There's Smoke..." 3.1 In the Season 3 opener (the season in which Carrie decides that ringlets are a great idea), the girls travel to Staten Island for the Fire Department of New York's Annual Calendar Competition where Carrie will serve as a judge. Here Carrie meets Bill Kelley (played by my hall pass, John Slattery) a politician campaigning for City Comptroller, and Samantha meets Mr. July, an moronic fireman. Charlotte makes a declaration on the Staten Island ferry that she is getting married this year, a casual foreshadowing to Trey MacDougal in Episode 7. This episode is all about being rescued, by men or by yourself. Miranda gets Lasik surgery and despite believing she doesn't need any help, Steve comes to be by her side. Charlotte starts dating a guy who is a little too chivalrous, and Carrie, after tedious efforts to avoid Bill's advances, finally gives in kickstarting a two-episode arch for the couple. Carrie is still healing from Big and Natasha's looming nuptials, but the episode is fun.

Memorability 5

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 19

Joke Value 13

Fashion 17

Score: 81

#58 "Defining Moments" 4.3 In Season 4, Big really begins to show his silly side. He starts to become less of the rich and classy Wall Street enigma he was in Season 1, and sheds his skin as a conflicted and brooding commitment-phobe in Seasons 2 & 3. He's now a very knowable figure in Carrie's world. That being said, Carrie and Big are officially BFFs and hang out platonically all over NYC. One night they attend a jazz club where Carrie falls for the club owner/jazz musician. Big doesn't read the signs that they're into each other (or maybe he does and actively tries to obstruct) and goes along as a third wheel. Charlotte and Trey can't stop having sex all over the city, Miranda dates a guy who pees and poops with the door open, (played by Jim Gaffigan) and Samantha hooks up with an artist named Maria, cashing in on the claim that she's a try-sexual, "she'll try anything once." Although Charlotte's happy to be fucking, she doesn't understand what kind of relationship she's in with her estranged husband. Carrie and the Jazz Musician go on a date with Samantha and Maria only to find that Big and Shay (pronounced 'Shaw' because the Y is silent) are at the same restaurant. They all eat together (for some reason it's tolerated when Shay just joins their party?) and while Carrie is consoling the Jazz Musician at the bar, Samantha rips Big a new one for playing with Carrie's heart. The episode sets up shop for the following episode "What's Sex Got to Do With It?" where both Maria and Jazz Musician return.

Memorability 3

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 21

Joke Value 14

Fashion 16

Score: 81

#57 "The Fuck Buddy" 2.14 The girls are trying to break their patterns. Carrie tries to force a real relationship with her moronic Fuck Buddy, none other than the Beeper King himself, Dean Winters (that's for the 30 Rock fans). I have to admit, for many many years I thought this guy was the same guy from the very first episode, but it isn't! I thought it was another Justin Theroux situation, where one actor plays two different characters but I was wrong. Alas. Miranda dates a dickhead lawyer who negs and gaslights her but his aggressive demands and shitty attitude turn her on in bed. Charlotte tries to break her patterns with men and books two dates in one night. Samantha gets off on listening to her neighbors fuck and tries to engage with them, only to discover they're a bit too homely for her taste. Carrie wears a PONCHO OVER A LEDERHOSEN and Miranda wears a BUCKET HAT OVER A HOOD OVER A TURTLENECK. I'm trying to find the connection between breaking your dating patterns and wearing items of clothing that don't typically go over other items of clothing but I can't seem to find it. Please email me if you do. P.S. Apparently SJP liked her Fuck Buddy because she joins forces with him on her latest HBO venture, Divorce, where he plays her husband's divorce lawayer Tony Silvercreek.

Memorability 4

Storyline 12

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 19

Joke Value 13

Fashion 20

Score: 81

#56 "Politically Erect" 3.2 Politically Erect is not about sexual politics but politics in sex and relationships. Carrie continues to date politician Bill Kelley and decides to dress like Jackie Kennedy, despite the fact she's not registered to vote. Bad Carrie, no points for you. For some reason, Carrie harbors some hatorade for Erica Jong, even after stealing her idea of a children's book for adults. Miranda and Steve try to figure out going exclusive and Steve says I love you! Samantha meets a stud at a bar who happens to be a little person and brings him to a party Charlotte throws where women are to bring men they aren't interested in. After dating for nearly a month, Bill divulges his desire for a golden shower from Carrie who is less than enthused by the idea. After Carrie reveals she's not into the piss thing, Bill tells her that his campaign is concerned about how much sex is in her writing. They break up and Carrie publishes his kink in her column for all of NYC to read. Carrie's lapel flowers are extremely prominent in this episode but I'm sorry to say, this episode features the WORST hair in the entire series, especially during Bill's fundraiser.

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 20

Joke Value 13

Fashion 17

Score: 82

#55 "Baby, Talk Is Cheap" 4.6 The one in which Carrie doesn't understand email, or the one where she vies for Aidan's affections after realizing she misses him? Samantha screws a guy who uses baby talk in bed. Charlotte and Trey decide to start trying for a baby. Miranda sees a runner who likes to lick her butthole. The conversation surrounding this topic is priceless as we learn that Charlotte is the only one willing to lick booty hole. Carrie sends Aidan an email saying "I miss you" and has heart palpitations after doing it. When Aidan doesn't respond to Carrie's passive-aggressive email, she calls him and low-key berates for him not responding right away. Turns out, he deleted it thinking it was spam. She invites him to a platonic double date with Steve and Miranda and tells him she wants to get back together. He tells her he just wants to be friends, but then kinda-sorta kisses her and she takes it as a sign he wants to be more than friends. "His words said no but his kiss said yes." Slightly problematic. Aidan and his hideous, embroidered shirt tell Carrie to go home about 17 times and she persists until Aidan yells "You broke my heart!" prompting Carrie to literally run away. Later that night, Aidan puts on an equally hideous suede jacket (and what looks like black eyeliner?) over his embroidered top and makes his way to Carrie's. They hook up, and begin Carrie and Aidan Round 2.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 20

Joke Value 14

Fashion 15

Score: 81

#54 "Sex and the Country" 4.9 For some reason, Carrie is in anguish about visiting Aidan's house in the country. Steve has testicular cancer and Miranda busts his balls (hehe) for not being proactive about his medical care. In the meantime, Charlotte and Trey are still trying for a baby and Samantha is annoyed that dudes keep asking to see her on the weekends (ok?). Carrie reluctantly travels with Aidan 40 minutes outside of NYC to his cabin in Suffern, NY where giant squirrels roam free and there's no hot water. There's even a montage where Carrie slips and falls in mud no less than five times trying to help Aidan move a piece of wood. She returns to the city and has a steak with Big and he tells her he's dating a movie star named Willow Summers (which makes Carrie deeply uncomfortable even though she's allowed to blabber on about Aidan). Carrie takes Samantha back to the country with her, where Sam fucks a farmer and wears an insane bucket hat. Steve gets his ball removed with Miranda at his side, and in the spirit of compromise, Aidan and Carrie agree to disagree about the loveliness of the country and decide Carrie will only be coming to Suffern on occasional weekends.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 20

Joke Value 14

Fashion 16

Score: 82

#53 "Luck Be An Old Lady" 5.3 Charlotte is turning 36, although she's thought about it and she's decided to stay 35. Carrie is hellbent on getting the girls together for some quality time and a birthday celebration. They settle on joining Sam and Richard in Atlantic City for a girls' trip. The first night doesn't really go as planned; Samantha spends the entire time keeping an eye on Richard, Miranda doesn't have the energy she used to pre-Brady, and Charlotte is pissy about getting older (and not being considered the 'hot one' by a pair of gambling men). On the second day, Charlotte emerges in a bonafide Atlantic City get up, tits ablazin'. The girls go gamble and Samantha continues to worry about Richard. A couple losers call Miranda a fat-ass and the girls go satisfyingly apeshit on him. After acrobatic attempts to catch Richard cheating on her again, Samantha finally decides she isn't meant to live the life of a jealous and paranoid girlfriend and finally breaks up with him. After Slutty Charlotte (in the most sex-positive form of the word) emerges, she's ready to meet guys and give Atlantic City a chance. Carrie, uncharactaristically, employs an unbridled sense of cynicism when Charlotte tells her she wants all the drama of life including, anniversaries, children, and relationships with her friends. Carrie replies with a bitter "Well, that sounds wonderful, but don't bank on it happening." Oof. To wrap up the gambling metaphor, Carrie bets a $1000 and loses it, but the fun is in playing the game, right? The girls travel home together by bus and Carrie finally gets her picture of the four of them.

Memorability 5

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 20

Joke Value 12

Fashion 18

Score: 82

#52 "The Caste System" 2.10 Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. I was just sitting here wondering how long it took Carrie to crimp her hair for the ballet. But since you're here, let's dig in. This episode is a perfect example of something so weird, ill-advised, and specific that it MUST have happened to someone in the writer's room. I'm of course referring to Samantha's new man who has a Thai female servant who actually bows to him, dabbles in emotional manipulation and calls Samantha a cock-sucking whore. Now that we've addressed that, some pretty big things happen in this episode. Carrie tells Big "I love you" after he gives her a hideous Judith Leiber duck purse (do you think Judith was offended by this episode?) and Big does not reciprocate immediately. After dealing with their wide income disparity, Miranda and Steve break up. Charlotte hooks up with a movie star and throws her rules out the window. The major question at play here is can you date someone from a different caste than your own? Sam, Miranda, and Carrie, per usual, are outwardly on the progressive end of things, positing that people with different incomes and backgrounds can work well togther if they're compatible. Charlotte, however, reminds them that we don't live in a classless society. The episode culminates in Big taking Carrie to a party on the Upper East Side where the tension of no "I love you too" from Big has caused Carrie to lash out. She balks at the people, the drinks, the Upper East side of it all and eventually gets drunk and takes her ole pal Jeremiah home with her. Big calls the next morning and tells Carrie he fucking loves her, but he has to do things in his own time. I like to imagine an alternate universe where Carrie and Jeremiah (Carremiah) did sleep together and she lives happily every after with the performing artist. A girl can dream.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 12

Performances 22

Joke Value 14

Fashion 16

Score: 82

#51 "Lights, Camera, Relationship" 6.5 By Season 6, the show finally decides to grapple with men and their struggle with women who have power. And is there a better example of an insecure and passive aggressive man who is threatened by women's power than Jack Berger? Charlotte is depressed about Harry dumping her. Miranda is still in love with Steve but miserably trying to hide it. Trying to play it cool, she gets stuck making cupcakes for Steve's girlfriend Debbie ("I fucked up Debbie's B!"). Carrie gets an advance from her publisher while Berger's second book option is dropped, causing a rift between them. Sam agrees to go to Smith's play Full Moon in Brooklyn on the condition that he will fuck her afterwards and is pleasantly surprised when it features Smith fully naked (I love how Samantha reacts to his penis as if she's never seen it before even though they've been sleeping together for over a month at this point). She takes the PR for the tiny play into her own hands to try to help get Smith some clout. At the opening night which Samantha has coordinated and glamorized, Berger picks Carrie up in his motorcycle of self-pity, an emblem of his downward spiral which we have seen before in Season 5. They have yet another fight on their way to the red carpet wherein Berger admits he feels threatened by Carrie's success, but wishes he didn't. Womp womp. They almost make it to the theatre together after reconciling, until some paprazzi vie for Carrie's attention and not Berger's and he gets moody and leaves in his new Prada shirt. For the record, I love Ron Livingston and I think it takes a pretty good performance to get legions of women to hate you based of a repugnant character you played . So props. Speaking of props, turns out Smith can acutally act and Full Moon becomes an overnight sensation thanks to Samantha! As Stanford says, "A stud is born." I like this episode, if not just for its pure presentation of Berger's blatant toxicity, but I wouldn't put it in the top twenty.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 21

Joke Value 13

Fashion 17

Score: 83

#50 "One" 6.12 Ok, the least exciting part of this episode is the introduction of Petrovsky, whom Carrie and Charlotte meet at an art gallery where a performance artist is holding herself hostage for 16 days. More exhilarating parts include Miranda stuffing her face with an "I Love You" cookie in order to avoid processing the words. Allow me to elaborate. Dr. Robert tells Miranda he loves her via chocolate chip cookie and she can't say it back. Meanwhile, Charlotte gets pregnant but almost immediately miscarries. She's deeply depressed until Elizabeth Taylor's E! True Hollywood Story brings her out of her funk. Miranda and Robert throw Brady a party for his first birthday and Samantha shows up with an orange bush (a dye accident after finding a grey). When Debbie tells Miranda that she loves Steve, Miranda realizes why she can't say I Love You to Robert and professes her love to Steve in the laundry room. He reciprocates! Yay! Bada bing - Miranda and Steve are back together. Carrie meets Petrovsky for a truly awful Russian meal of meat jello and beets at midnight. At least we get to see Mikhail Baryshnikov sprint and leap down a New York City street!

Memorability 4

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 23

Joke Value 13

Fashion 15

Score: 83

#49 "What's Sex Got to Do with It?" 4.4 Carrie realizes that the Jazz Musician, whose real name is Ray King, is completely unable to hold a conversation that doesn't involve jazz and that he's possibly ADD, but he makes her orgasm like no other man has (this is the episode in which Carrie reveals that she usually has to be in love with someone to have "that type of orgasm." I think Chelsea Fairless of Every Outfit on Sex and the City said it best, "That is the darkest shit I've ever heard.") Ray is one of Carrie's more annoying suitors, in my opinion. Samantha is "having a relationship" with Maria, encouraging Carrie to try to turn her mindblowing sex with Ray into a real relationship (to no avail). Charlotte and Trey conquer their marriage bed and decide to move back in together and proceed with being husband and wife. And, in a historical sequence of events, Miranda eats chocolate cake out of the garbage.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 14

Fashion 15

Score: 83

#48 "The Baby Shower" 1.10 This episode always annoyed me. Laney and her goddamn tits. But upon rewatching, it's a lot more fun than I remembered. The backhandedness of every comment is hilarious. The pettiness and shade, iconic. The girls trek to Connecticut to attend the baby shower of an old party girl friend and are all faced with the cult of motherhood in myriad ways. Carrie's period is late, so the baby shower plays as somewhat of an omen. Charlotte says goodbye to her favorite baby name as Laney has apparently stolen it. Samantha relishes in Laney's demise and Miranda basically remains cool as a cucumber, having been through the rigamorole as an aunt. As a mom, it's a little disappointing to be given only two options; a boring suburban mom in a brainwashed cult or an urban socialite lacking any maternal instinct. But, if you really take a part the episode down to nuts and bolts, it's asking the right questions about motherhood and identity. How DO you stay who you are after having kids? And Laney is right - nobody tells you you're going to change. It just sneaks up on you. Perhaps a hint at Miranda's season 4 pregnancy? Doubtful, but we can pretend. #Shayla

Memorability 5

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 20

Joke Value 15

Fashion 15

Score: 83

#47 "The Man, the Myth, the Viagra" 2.8 This episode explores modern day dating myths and legends as a way of buying into dating, the idea of "it could happen to me!" Carrie is completely elated that Big calls her his girlfriend, and asks for him to get to know her friends better. This is all fine and good, but the most important thing that happens in this episode is STEVE MUTHAFUCKIN BRADY. Be still my heart! Our favorite Bartender, who uses the term "you're a real pisser" as if he's from Boston and not from Queens? Anyway, Carrie blows off dinner plans with Miranda to eat Mr. Big's breaded veal and they get into a fight that I must say is completely warranted on Miranda's part. Carrie WAS being an asshole. But the silver lining of their fight is that Miranda meets and sleeps with Steve, one of the best characters in the series. Samantha starts dating a cute lil old man named Ed who has very poor taste in pick up lines and Charlotte basically has nothing to do. It's clear that Steve wants to continue seeing Miranda, who is a total bitch to him because she doesn't take his interest in her seriously. In a surprise to nobody, Big wiggles his way out of meeting up with Carrie's friends and she realizes nothing has changed. But then, in the final moments of the episode, Big appears at the dinner inciting Miranda to chase after Steve in the pouring rain (major Breakfast at Tiffany's vibes) and thus, Steranda is born (working title). Side note: Any episode with the mention of Donald Trump (S1/E1 for example) immediately gets points deducted, sorry that's the rule, but this one has the misfortune of actually featuring him.

Memorability 4

Storyline 16

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 22

Joke Value 13

Fashion 15

Score: 83

#46 "Ghost Town" 4.5 The ghosts of relationships past, Steve and Aidan, are opening a bar together and Carrie and Miranda are invited to the grand kickoff party. Miranda thinks she has a real ghost haunting her apartment. Samantha is growing tired of being forced to talk about her feelings with Maria and starts to miss her days of meaningless sex. Now that Charlotte and Trey are back together, her newest obstacle is Bunny's insistence on being the other woman in Trey's life. After running into a plethora of Samantha's past fuck buddies, Maria has a memorable meltdown and breaks all of Sam's plates. "Another little firework, pa-ping!" She buys Samantha a strap-on as an apology but they break up anyway. At the bar opening, Steve tells Miranda that he couldn't have opened his own place without her giving him the idea and the courage to to do it. Carrie runs into Aidan and after seeing that he's hot now (sans turquoise jewelry) she realizes she might want him back - because she's what? A HOT MESS. The subtext of their conversation about cake is very clearly about their relationship and again, their chemistry is off the charts. The beginning of the end of Carrie and Aidan, Round 2.

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 20

Joke Value 14

Fashion 15

Score: 83

#45 "An American Girl in Paris Part Une" 6.19 or 6B.7

The episode begins with a visit from Big right before Carrie is supposed to get on a plane to Paris. The visit culminates in a blowout fight in which Big tells Carrie he made a mistake the last time he came to New York, and Carrie calls him out for being the 'boy who cried love.' She tells him to forget her name, he makes fun of Petrovsky; it's ugly. The girls have a goodbye dinner and toast Carrie off to France. When she arrives, she's greeted by Petrovsky and his bratty daughter who looks like a rough prototype of a young Instagram influencer. Carrie parades through Paris practicing her French, but with every new adventure comes a failure of Petrovsky's and the realization that maybe she made the wrong decision. After a week in Paris, Carrie calls Miranda and admits she's not having the time she thought she would and that she's been thinking about Big. Charlotte and Harry continue to pursue adoption. Samantha gives a kick ass speech at a benefit for breast cancer that made me shed a tear. Big meets with the girls to ask them if he has a chance to get Carrie back and they give him the green light to go find her in Paris. Most of the episode is establishing the fairytale that Paris is supposed to be - and then the subsequent disappointments. Although this episode is basically a maintenance episode to prep us for the finale, it really nails the loneliness of newness; the juxtaposition of isolation and excitement when you first arrive somewhere unfamiliar. Even though we all knew Carrie would undergo this growing pain in France, it takes her by surprise. She's losing herself, literally and figuratively, in her actions and in losing her Carrie necklace. To offset all the ahem... interesting knitwear Carrie employs, we get THE dress in this episode, thank god.

Memorability 5

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 10

Fashion 19

Score: 83

#44 "Was It Good For You?" 2.16 In this episode, Samantha gives the thesis of Carrie's entire existance: "You know, for a sex columnist you have a very limited view of sexuality." This is uttered after Samantha tells Carrie about considering a threesome with a gay couple. It's funny that this topic is barely coming up at the end of Season 2, but I'm glad it's here; how do you know if you're good in bed? Charlotte's boyfriend falls asleep while making love to her causing her to panic about how good she is in bed. In order to get some pointers, she signs herself and the girls up for a tantric sex workshop. This is the first time we actually see cum throughout this series and regrettably it winds up in Miranda's hair at the workshop. Carrie starts seeing an alcoholic who has never had sex sober and becomes obsessed with her.

Memorability 5

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 19

Joke Value 15

Fashion 16

Score: 83

#43 "Are We Sluts?" 3.6 Carrie is desperate to fuck Aidan after a week and a half of dating and he keeps dodging her advances. Samantha deals with slut shaming by some judgey old ladies in her building. Miranda discovers she has chlamydia and decides to call everyone she's ever slept with to let them know. Charlotte is sleeping with a guy who calls her a bitch/whore while he orgasms in an apparent black out (I ain't buying it buddy). This episode contends with an opinion held by bros who disliked the show when it first aired and believed it was about "four sluts in New York City." In 2019, we know better than to reduce our girls down to whores for desiring sex and racking up partners, but in this episode, the girls themselves struggle with the idea that maybe they are a little bit slutty. This episode might exhibit more self-awareness than the entire season put together. We find out Miranda got chlamydia from that emotionally abusive lawyer from "The Fuck Buddy." Aidan explains to Carrie that he's trying to romance her and take it slowly and she's so taken with the idea that she commits to it too. The episode weaves a common thread between the girls instead of displaying their differences around a certain topic like other episodes. It also endears us to Steve and Aidan. P.S. Carrie and Aidan do fuck at the end, just FYI. Oh, and Samantha moves to the Meatpacking District away from the old biddies!

Memorability 4

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 19

Joke Value 13

Fashion 18

Score: 83

#42 "Out of the Frying Pan" 6.16 or 6B.4 In which Aleksandr Petrovsky kills a mouse with a frying pan on Carrie's kitchen counter and tells Carrie Samantha is going to die? OK, that's not exactly how it goes down but Petrovsky is revealed as a certain breed of Russian pessimist. This is a "shit gets real episode." Carrie and Petrovsky get in their first fight when Carrie confronts him about his lack of sensitivity towards Samantha's cancer diagnosis. He thinks her naivity about the possibility of death is childish and she thinks his crass approach to Samantha's situation is just, well, dicky. Charlotte is still struggling with her fertility issues and pushes the reality of her sadness down deep. She runs to escape and remain in denial until she meets a little King Charles spaniel that pulls her out of her slump. Meanwhile, Harry peruses adoption options. Miranda and Steve are dying in their tiny apartment filled with cats, dogs and babies and start to browse for a new apartment. Steve insists on moving to Brooklyn, to which Miranda nearly faints. The hilarity of moving to Brooklyn being a non-starter is absolutely laughable considering Brooklyn is one of the most gentrified areas of New York or maybe the country these days (at least two more HBO comedies were dedicated to the up-and-comingness of Brooklyn and those who reside in it including Girls and High Maintenance since SATC). Besides, I happen to love Brooklyn. Anyway, she budges and buys a brownstone in the burrough. Samantha starts losing her hair from the chemo and opts to shave it all off. In an act of pure solidarity, Smith shaves his head too with a cool "Chill out, I'm busy." It's really sweet.

Memorability 4

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 13

Fashion 16

Score: 84

#41 "Unoriginal Sin" 5.2 While Carrie suffers through a writing rut, she finds out that a publisher wants to make her columns into a book. She gets a visit from two agents played by Amy Sedaris and Molly Shannon who predict the book will be huge, but urge her to decide if the introduction and tone of the book will be optimistic or less than. Samantha officially takes Richard back, and the gang believes it's a terrible idea. Steve wants to get Brady baptized to make sure he doesn't end up in limbo "just in case" and Miranda is vehemently against it. We get to meet Steve's Ma, who Miranda so eleoquently describes as "Steve, in a wig, drunk." She asks Carrie to be Brady's godmother, much to Charlotte's envy. Charlotte convinces Carrie to attend a bizarre seminar on finding love through positive affirmations with her. In one of Davis's most poignant performances, she breaks down in front of the so-called guru who berates her for not "really putting herself out there." Carrie comes to her defense. At the baptism, Richard awkardly approaches Miranda and assures her he really did "get scared." Miranda doesn't buy it. The episode boasts smart plays on sin and cynicism, and ends in a sweet nod to Charlotte's eternal optimism.

Memorability 4

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 13

Fashion 16

Score: 84

#40 "The Catch" 6.8 In "The Catch," Carrie takes a trapeze class in order to clunkily service a metaphor about letting go and taking it easy. It's cute I suppose. Steve wants Miranda to meet his girlfriend Debbie (who has purchased an aromatherapy candle for Miranda's serenity needs). She's so desperate to not meet her that she hides under her bed when Steve brings her by the apartment. Charlotte and Harry prepare for their big day by trying to set Carrie up with the Best Man. She agrees to have a casual fling with him, only to find out he has no idea how to have sex. It's actually one of the funniest sex scenes in the series. Harry accidently sees Charlotte in her dress, causing a sequence of bad luck not including but not limited to: Charlotte appearing to have a Hitler mustache in the New York Times Wedding Section, red wine spilling on Charlotte's wedding dress, Samantha breaking her pearl bracelet at the altar, Carrie arriving unable to mvoe properly due to a sex sprain, the Best Man having a complete meltdown, Charlotte almost falling on her face, and Miranda's speech catching on fire. Not much happens in this episode other than Charlotte getting married, but I really did LOL. And I had to give some sentimentality points here because the episode ends with Michelle Branch's "Breathe" (like every other piece of entertainment did in the 2000s) and issa bop y'all.

Memorability 5

Storyline 13

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 22

Joke Value 14

Fashion 16

Score: 85

#39 "The Agony and the 'Ex'-tacy" 4.1 The girls are all single in this Season 4 opener, and exploring the idea of soulmates. The storylines are a bit weak in this episode, but it has a lot of tabletop conversations between the four ladies that I thoroughly enjoy, spanning topics like spanks banks. Charlotte and Trey are still separated and trying to figure out next steps, Samantha tries to fuck a priest, and Carrie turns 35. Samantha attempts to throw Carrie a small get-together which goes to shit when Carrie shows up to an empty table and gets stood up by every single person who was invited because of a traffic jam. After unsuccessfully waiting for her guests Carrie leaves with her birthday cake (that she ended up paying for). As a lover of SJP freak outs, one of my favorite scenes is when Carrie drops the cake on wet cement and screams "I'm sorry!" to a crowd of squawking construction men. She eventually is rescued by Charlotte at home and meets the girls at the Coffee Shop to talk about how sad she is to be single. The best part of this scene, inspiring Instagram captions across the nation a decade later, is Charlotte's idea that "Maybe we could be each other's soul mates. And then we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with." When she comes home, Big is waiting for her with balloons and champagne. Properly named "The Agony and the Ex-tacy" this episode perfectly captures that distinct sense of melancholy only a birthday can conjure.

Memorability 4

Storyline 11

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Outfits 18

Score: 85

#38 "Anchors Away" 5.1 When I watched this show all the way through for the first time, I remember finding 'Anchors Away' to be a completely missable episode. Turns out, it's quite lovely. Some might posit that this episode and a few episodes following it are pandering to post 9/11 sentiments, offering a cloying dedication to the city. I am not one of those people. I would argue it's a pitch perfect episode for the first season shot after 9/11. The Season 5 opener finds Carrie having an affair with New York City itself; meandering among the sights and sounds, such as nearly defunct single-theater movie houses a.k.a the Paris (which was recently saved from obscurity by Netflix) and old ladies who sprinkle Lithium on chocolate ice cream. Charlotte has got Carrie in her feelings about "great loves" when she divulges that you are only allowed two in your lifetime. It's Fleet Week in Manhattan and seamen are running wild. Charlotte is still swearing off dating and/or fucking anyone new. The upheaval Richard has summoned in Samantha's life is biblical. She has dedicated herself to destroying him for eating another woman out after telling her he loved her in Season 4 (even though she secretly wants him back). He calls her 20 times a day to say he's sorry, and she meets him at Sushi Samba to throw a drink in his face, giving us one of her most quotable jabs - "Dirty martini, dirty bastard." The best part of this episode is the glimpse into Miranda's new life as a mother and the struggle she feels to balance it all. Brady is 3 weeks old and Miranda is adjusting to dividing her time between her baby and her friends, mentally and physically. It's wonderfully handled, and a true testament to the growth of our girls. Season 5 is the beginning of a warmer, older, and more real SATC, and also a post 9/11 SATC wherein New York really does start to feel like less of a glamorous ideal and more of a visceral place. Overall, it's refreshing to start a new season with the women choosing themselves and what they need instead of the attention-giving male passerbys. The fact that the episode is called 'Anchors Away' should tell us that the past is in fact, in the past. It's a new dawn.

Memorability 5

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 20

Joke Value 15

Fashion 17

Score: 85

#37 "Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys" 1.4 "The question is - if he goes up your butt, will he respect you more or respect you less?" says Miranda, glorious and unshaken. Carrie and Big decide to go on a official date - well, an official "thing" and it doesnt really pan out. In the meantime, Carrie hooks up with a twenty-something guy named Sam. Samantha also dates a twenty-something chef named Jon, while Miranda continues to canoodle with Skipper, who is also evidently twenty-something. Of course, Charlotte is dating Brian who wants to have anal sex, which sends her into a spiral of which only a cab ride with girlfriends going over the pros and cons will cure, which is where Miranda gives the aforementioned, iconic ultimatum. Although I tend to side with Samantha on the subject ("Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole."), the up-the-butt cab ride is truly a SATC moment with a capital M. Shout out to one of my favorite lines about thirty-something women - "They give great head, and know a lot about wine." Amen.

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 21

Joke Value 15

Fashion 16

Score: 86

#36 "Shortcomings" 2.15 This may be the episode that made me realized, "Oh. I don't think Samantha and Charlotte are actually friends?" Justin Theroux is back, but this time as a short story writer named Vaughn who suffers from premature ejaculation, poor chap. I enjoyed the little dig at Justin when he first appears - "It's amazing how much better looking fiction writers have become." His transformation is kind of amazing. Miranda begins seeing a divorced dad of a petulant toddler, who breaks up with her after the kid walks in on Miranda peeing. Charlotte's brother Wesley comes to visit in the midst of his separation from his wife Leslie and Samantha sleeps with him. Hence the showdown between Charlotte and Samantha in which Charlotte calls Samantha's vagina the "hottest spot in town" like a real asshole. They kiss and make up with muffins later on, but it bums me out every time. Charlotte basically recycles the muffins her brother wouldn't take to try to salvage her friendship with Sam. The subject of families is a fun one, and Valerie Harper is to die for as Vaughn's mother in this episode.

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 15

Score: 86

#35 "Hot Child in the City" 3.15 "I'd fuck them. I'd fuck them and their gay boyfriends," says a 12 year old girl in frosty lip gloss. Do I have your attention? "Hot Child in the City" is a fluffy piece of Coney Island cotton candy, and one of those episodes where the guys are basically interchangable. Carrie is seeing a comic-book store owner named Wade who lives with his parents. Samantha agrees to handle PR for 13 year old Jenny Brier's bat mitzvah, the bratty daughter of a restaurant magnate played by Kat Dennings. Miranda discovers she's a tongue thruster and gets adult braces. Charlotte and Trey begin therapy to try and fix Trey's penis probz, and Charlotte catches him jerking it to JUGS magazine. Carrie and Wade smoke some very strong pot at Wade's parents' house and get busted by his mom. Wade pins the crime on Carrie so that his mom doesn't kick him out, and she takes the pot home with her in retalliation. This is the first time we see Carrie high and it is so delightful, you really can't help but laugh. The fun conceit of the episode feels fresh and really showcases the dynamisn of Season 3 that everybody loves so much. Everyone is fully committed to the "junior high" of it all.

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 16

Score: 87

#34 "The Big Journey" 5.7 Carrie is sent to San Francisco on her book tour and she plans on seeing/sleeping with Big while she's there. She convinces Samantha, who's bored out of her skull in New York, to take the trip cross-country by train with her (why Carrie, why!?). Charlotte signs her divorce papers, delivered by Harry himself. As much as I adore Harry, I have to say his first romantic encounter with Charlotte is a little creepy. He lures her into a friend's bachelor pad and then tells her how he hasn't been able to stop thinking about her since he met her. He keeps telling her how hot she is and how Trey must've been a putz, and she keeps telling him to stop. I mean, eventually she leaps into his arms and starts making out with him on the bed, but my goodness. Anyway, she basically has the best sex of her life and is conflicted because she doesn't find Harry very attractive. Meanwhile, Carrie nurses a massive pimple on her check as her and Samantha rough it on the train with Amish people, ugly people, toilet showers and boring bachelors. When they finally arrive in SF, Carrie learns she's opening for a dog named Mr. Winkle and that the large turnout happens to be for him. All is well though, because Big attends the reading and Carrie's plan to have sex is back on track. BUT WAIT. Just kidding, because all Big wants to do is discuss Carrie's book and how much of a dick he was in the past. After a night of painful reminiscing, they fall asleep and wake up for some morning sex. Yay! Other than Miranda being MIA in this episode, it's weirdly perfect considering we're on a train for 75% of it. The scenes on the train are so funny and Charlotte resisting her budding relationship with Harry is such a great premise.

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 21

Joke Value 15

Fashion 17

Score: 87

#33 "Pick-a-Little, Talk-a-Little" 6.4 In a bad day for scrunchies everywhere, Carrie and Berger have their first real blow up. I mean really, even with all the great stuff in this episode, the one thing it comes down to is that damn scrunchie. While Berger is out with Carrie and the girls, he tells Miranda that the guy she went out with is "just not that into you," sparking a crisis-turned-enlightenment for Miranda's dating life (except for when she mistakes a guy who has diarrhea for a guy who's not into her, oops). Later that night, Berger tells Carrie he loves her and she says it back. They're so giddy that you know something bad is coming. Samantha and Smith continue to hook up, and explore tons of sex fantasies including burglar and housewife, doctor and patient, and auditor and person who owes exorbitant back tax to the US government. When Smith wants to try getting to know each other for real, Samantha flees. Charlotte prepares for her first shabbos dinner as a real Jewish lady. When the dinner is ready, Harry can't take his eyes off the Mets game on TV, causing Charlotte to have a conniption about not being engaged yet. In her fit of rage, she insults Harry by telling him he should be grateful to have a woman so far out of his league. He dumps her and she's devastated and still Jewish. Honestly, I don't understand why Harry couldn't just turn the TV off, but that's the Charlotte in me. Carrie reads Berger's book, Hurricane Pandora (LOL) and finds it absolutely brillant, except for the fact that his leading lady wears a scrunchie around the city. When Berger hears this one criticism in an otherwise glowing review, he takes it so personally that he acts like an utter asshole for the rest of the evening, making fun of Carrie's (admittedly regrettable) hat, eating her dessert, and calling her lame like a real fucking immature prick. Turns out, he was feeling insecure about his book not doing well and took it out on Carrie. Red flags for days. Whatever. They make up, but the dye has been cast.

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 14

Fashion 17

Score: 87

#32 "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" 1.12 We've reached the end of Season 1. The end of the beginning. Miranda dates a playwright who immediately takes showers after sex, which prompts Carrie to investigate the ever-elusive religious New York City man. The investigation leads her to Park Avenue Presbyterian where she sees Big accompanying his mother after Sunday service. Carrie is so charmed by this that she inquires about meeting Big's mom and asks to go to church with them. Big politely says no and obviously Carrie is devastated. This is again one of those episodes where I sort of side with Big. He calmly tells her that going to church is something that he does with and for his mother and she blindsides him by showing up without any warning! It's kinda weird, Carrie! I'm sorry. However, Samantha FINALLY gets a solid storyline in James, her one true love who happens to have a microdick. I literally LOL'd during this exchange: "Why does he have to have a small dick! I really like him!" "I thought you said you loved him?" "Well..." Charlotte sees a tarot card reader who tells her she doesn't see marriage in her future. In the end, Carrie and Big are supposed to go away to the Caribbean together but Carrie breaks it off after Big can't tell her that she's the one. She loses faith. A solid finale, in my book.

Memorability 5

Storyline 16

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 21

Joke Value 14

Fashion 18

Score: 88

#31 "An American Girl in Paris Part Deux" 6.20 or 6B.8 It is my belief that there is a better finale of this show somewhere out there in the ether, in which Carrie isn't accidently slapped by Aleksandr Petrovsky, but I do accept this one as canon, as perhaps we all do (some reluctantly, some excitedly). It's not bad! There are just a few little bugs I'd fix. Carrie has spent two weeks in Paris and Petrovsky is completely consumed by his exhibition. She meets his ex-wife for lunch (where Caroline de Maigret is a hostess) and picks up on some troubling cues from their past relationship. She's still aimlessly wondering around Paris wondering when she's going to fall madly in love with it. She takes up smoking again, steps in dog shit, eats a bunch of pastries, and gets smacked in the head by a child. Back in the Big Apple, Samantha has lost her sex drive, and encourages Smith to fuck anyone he wants while he's filming on location. As per usual, Smith comes in clutch and gives Samantha just what she needs to feel safe. Charlotte and Harry meet the parents of their soon-to-be adopted baby, but it turns out they changed their minds about giving it up at the last second. Steve's Ma suffers a stroke and after showing signs of memory loss, Miranda insists she move in with them. Carrie finds her book at a book shop and runs into some adoring fans who want to throw a party for her. Of course, the night of the party Petrovsky has an 'anxiety attack' and asks Carrie to accompany him to the curator reveal of his exhibition. He immediately ditches her at the exhibit and she's stuck there like a bump on a log. While waiting for Aleks, Carrie finds her Carrie necklace in the lining of her vintage Dior (get it? she found herself!?) and is inspired to leave to attend the party in her honor. The next five minutes shows Miranda looking for Steve's mother throughout Brooklyn, and Carrie making her way to her party, scored by French Hip Hop music. It's not unappealing, but I just don't know. I digress. Carrie discovers the party is over and comes home to unload all her frustration with Aleks. He isn't game for getting into it and when Carrie pries, he accidently hits her and breaks the new necklace he got her to replace her Carrie necklace (get it? their relationship is breaking!?) So they break up, finally. As Carrie tries to get a new room at the hotel, Big appears seemingly out of thin air and Carrie crumbles. There's a whole sequence in which Big decides to be macho and fight Aleksandr but then Carrie trips him and they have a laugh. The shining moments comes later, when we finally get to hear Big say what Carrie asked him to say six years prior, in the Season One finale - he tells her she's the one. This time around, the finale actually hit me a lot harder than it ever had before. Tears were shed when Charlotte and Harry finally get word that they will get their baby girl (yes, the baby girl who fucks up Carrie and Big's wedding in the first movie) from China, when Magda kisses Miranda's forehead, when Sam gets her groove back, oy! I also realized that Carrie is only gone for 3 weeks and when they see her they act as if she's been gone for decades! LOL Anyway, Big's real name is John. The end.

Memorability 5

Storyline 16

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 23

Joke Value 13

Fashion 16

Score: 88

#30 "Secret Sex" 1.6 NAKED DRESS BITCH. In this episode, Carrie finally goes on a real date with Big and they have sex. Soon after, they go to dinner at Fung Wa where Carrie sees her friend Mike who seems to be embarrassed by his date, Libby - thus, the idea of "secret sex" a.k.a. great sex with someone you're ashamed to be seen with. Carrie immediately assumes Big is ashamed to be seen with her and throughout the episode, we really see Carrie in full psychosis. This is also the episode where we see the unveiling of the bus ad from the title credits go by on the M2 bus for the first time! In this episode, there's a dick drawn on her face in the ad LOL Miranda dates a guy who likes to be spanked and honestly, she really is kind of a dick about it. It is so interesting to see Carrie uncomfortable around Big, as opposed to the later episodes after their affair when they decide to be besties. It's also fun to see, in these earlier episodes, the girls meet up at Carrie's apartment instead of the Coffee Shop. To me, this episode is indicative of some of SATC's best instincts. The show brings a pair of fresh eyes to an otherwise familiar concept in modern dating, then and now. On that note, Charlotte literally says "The Victorians were onto something" in this episode, and for that I will never forgive her, even if she did once fuck a "Hasidic folk artist from Brooklyn". Justice for Libby Biyalick the Cheesemonger.

Memorability 4

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 20

Score: 88

#29 "Escape from New York" 3.13 After the tumult of Carrie and Aidan's (first) break up, the girls take a trip to Los Angeles! It is utterly iconic, and luckily for us, the trip lasts two episodes (although this is not the best of the two). Carrie's columns are being optioned by a small production company, so her, Samantha, and Miranda jet across the country to soak up the LA sun. Meanwhile, Charlotte and Trey have honeymooned and still have not had sex. In an attempt to find out if Trey is impotent, she wraps a strip of stamps around his cock to see if he has the ability to get hard (which I thought we knew already because she gave him a blow job earlier in the season). Like a nice mint after a garlicky meal, this episode is a much needed reprieve after such a loaded episode like "Don't Ask, Don't Tell". Sarah Michelle Gellar is a scrappy Junior Development Executive, Matthew McConaughey is a megalomaniac producer version of himself, and Miranda rides a bull at Saddleranch Chop House (which I regrettably frequented when I first moved to LA). Samantha hooks up with a dildo model whose dream is to be a poet. For some reason I don't quite understand, Carrie seems to think attending another meeting with Matthew McConaughey will lead to another failed relationship, so she skips it and drives her janky stick shift straight through a stop sign. As somebody who lives in Los Angeles, I'm not offended at all by the cliche notions that this city is sex-obsessed, because frankly, it kind of is, but I will rail against the shallow idea that it's "culturally flat," but that's for another time. Other than the subtle slut-shaming in this episode, it is exactly what the title states; an escape.

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 18

Score: 88

#28 "Drama Queens" 3.7 "Drama Queens" tackles that hard to define feeling in a relationship when everything is going so right that you just assume you're probably going to die soon because how could this be this good? Of course, this struggle is a fight against two things; the mundanity of the familiar and in the words of Samantha, "If he seems too good to be true, he probably is." Carrie doesn't know how to be in a functional and healthy relationship so she tries to stir the shit with Aidan by looking for flaws and refusing to meet his parents. General sabotage. Miranda is in domestic bliss with Steve until she finds a skidmark while doing his laundry. Charlotte has decided this is the year she's getting married, so she vows to spend more time with her married friends to meet eligible bachelors. Samantha is off in Viagra-land with a doctor, using it like it's ecstacy. When Charlotte's first bachelor seemingly stands her up (turns out her friend's husband sabotaged the date because he's in love with her?), she takes Carrie to the opera instead. Carrie sees Big there with Natasha and, being the dick that she is, abandons Charlotte and calls Miranda at 3 AM to tell her all about it. LOL. The episode is called Drama Queens, after all. Can't say they didn't warn us. In the most baller move of Aidan's career, he dodges Carrie's calls for awhile and she shows up at breakfast with his parents. All this to say, Trey MacDougal is here everybody! Charlotte storms out of a bar and falls into the street, where Trey comes to her rescue. Alrighty, then!

Memorability 5

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 18

Score: 88

#27 "All or Nothing" 3.10 Is it possible to have it all? Carrie is reeling from her night with Big (while Aidan was stripping her floors). In one of the most heartfelt moments of the show, Carrie confides in Samantha, who refuses to judge her. Samantha gets the flu and finds that no man will come take care of her. Trey slyly gives Charlotte a pre-nup which dictates that she's on a vesting schedule that makes her worth $500,000 (but more if she births boys). Miranda ventures into the phone-sex world with her hook up from Chicago. Carrie calls Big to tell him they will not be hooking up again, and suddenly they're hooking up again while Aidan is away. Aidan returns and tells Carrie he loves her, causing her to feel even more guilty. Big is feeling less guilty and more...frustrated? He threatens to tell Natasha about their affair and Carrie freaks out on him whilst losing Aidan's dog, Pete. The good news is, Charlotte negotiates herself up to a million dollars with Bunny. The bad news is, Aidan catches onto the cheating...except, he thinks Carrie is only sneaking around with cigarettes, not her married ex. With the Big Affair looming over these mid-season episodes, a lot of storyline is dedicated to Carrie and Big hiding and maneuvering around their significant others and each other. For people who love to watch Charlotte and Carrie be their utmost crazy, mid-season 3 is IT.

Memorability 4

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 23

Joke Value 14

Fashion 18

Score: 88

#26 "The Drought" 1.11 I would love to speak to the sound designer who created Carrie's fart. It's one of those clenched butthole, desperate to escape, there's no poop in there but a giant air bubble is forming and maybe if I let a little slip out at a time it will happen silently kind of farts. I adore it. In this episode, Carrie farts in Big's bed and feels that because of her misdeed, he no longer wants to have sex with her. Like ever again. It's so depressing, but also relatable in an even more depressing way. This is also the episode where Samantha tries to be celibate for a millisecond, Charlotte dates a guy who has no libido due to Prozac, and Miranda involuntarily sustains a 3 month sex drought. Except for an extremely awkward scene where Carrie goes to Big's to try to seduce him and he yells at her perhaps a bit too aggressively, it's one of those rare episodes where I actually find Big charming and pity him for having to deal with Carrie's temporary insanity. In this episode, the L word is planted by Carrie as she explains to Miranda that she's terrified of not being perfect enough for BIg. This is also the episode where the ladies watch Carrie's neighbors have sex through the window. I love this episode. I love when Big gets to surprise us and be a normal person. I also love when Carrie has an honest moment, free of wordplay and puns. It's one of those episodes that lets us root for them as a couple. And remember Blockbuster? Whatta world!

Memorability 5

Storyline 16

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 16

Score: 88

#25 "Time and Punishment" 4.7 I've always loved this episode because I feel that it would be unfair (not to mention unrealistic) to assume that everything would go right back to normal with Carrie and Aidan once they got back together. The lingering sense of frustration, resentment and animosity that hovers in the air after Big's voicemail is palpable and it's frankly naive of Carrie to think they could "start fresh" without ever having dealt with the Big Affair. To backtrack, Carrie and Aidan are giving their relationship another go. As they're making love, Carrie's answering machine picks up a message from Big. After this uncomfortable moment, Aidan passive aggressively punishes Carrie by flirting with a bartender and withholding affection (and literally slapping her on the back!). In other developments, Charlotte is seriously considering quitting her job at the gallery which, to be honest, has always seemed like a strange turn of events to me since she's literally never at the gallery anyway. Her new passion in life, evidently, is curing pediatric AIDS and making bowls at Color Me Mine. Nonetheless, it's painful to see her clashing feelings about it as the episode plays on. Obviously, the girls' reaction to this news is to question it, Miranda most vocally. Charlotte calls Miranda out on being judgemental and the pair have an epic phone fight culminating in Miranda's neck going out. She calls Carrie for help and Carrie sends Aidan who sees her naked on the floor. (Note: Carrie gets a lot of shit for this, but I have to say, she was in a tough situation! She had a meeting with her editor and couldn't cancel on short notice, and Miranda hangs up on her before she can even explain!) Miranda has to wear a foam collar for the rest of the episode. Samantha hooks up with a guy who tells her her bush is getting to big. Notably, this episode is very strangely directed, from the music cues to the meandering scenes, it lacks the clipped pace of other episodes in Season 4, which I suppose we can chalk up to SATC first-time director Michael Engler and writer Jessica Bendinger. This entry is getting long winded, but I just found it really exciting and smart to explore this particular moment in a relationship, where you've been through trauma, but you want to try again and your emotions get in the way of that. Forgiving and forgetting is hard to do.

Memorability 4

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 14

Fashion 19

Score: 88

#24 "A Woman's Right To Shoes" 6.9 This is Jenny Bicks' master work. Not only do we meet Dr. Robert Leeds, but we are offered some of the most poetic inequities between single life and married life. Carrie is invited to a baby shower for her friend Kyra's new baby boy. When she arrives, she's asked to take off her shoes so as not to drag dirt in from the outside since "the twins pick things up off the floor." Carrie reluctantly abides by the rules. When the soiree is over, Carrie discovers that her shoes have gone missing, and Kyra, in response, awkwardly sends Carrie home with nothing but some raggedly old sneakers and a shrug of the shoulders. Carrie is heartborken at the loss of her shoes and baffled by Kyra's lack of mortification or even slight concern. Kyra finally offers to pay for Carrie shoes and when Carrie tells her how much they are, Kyra shames her for her "extravagant lifestyle" and says she'll only pay for half (I know, it's SO awkward). Carrie does some mental math and realizes that she's spent $2,300 celebrating Kyra's life choices, and as a single person, she'll never have the opportunity to be celebrated in the same way (unless she gets married or has a baby). In an act of true passive aggression and sheer brilliance, Carrie calls Kyra and tells her she's getting married to herself and she's registered at Manolo Blahnik. Meanwhile, Charlotte tries to manage Harry's move-in and subsequent nakedness/tea bag remnants. Miranda approves a charming black doctor to live in her building and sparks fly. Samantha has a fight with a child in a restuarant and ends up with noodles on her face. It's a great episode.

Memorability 5

Storyline 16

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 16

Score: 88

#23 "Catch-38" 6.15 or 6B.3 'Catch-38' is one of those episodes that is smarter and more interesting than the sum of its parts. Samantha's breast cancer is classified as Stage 1 but the doctor still recommends chemo (and also mentions that women who don't have children are at a higher risk for getting breast cancer, which sets Sam off and into the hands of a different doctor). She camps out at a highly coveted oncologist's office and meets a nun played by Julia Sweeney of SNL fame (who was also a 'creative consultant' on eleven episodes! who knew) and realizes that people who have sex and people who don't can both get cancer. The newlyweds, Miranda and Steve, decide to take a non-honeymoon honeymoon at a cabin in the woods. Miranda is driven crazy by the lack of civilization and all the romance/sex she is supposed to be engaging in (this is one of Miranda's funniest plot lines). While Miranda and Steve play, Carrie and Charlotte offer to look after Brady. Carrie takes the first shift and brings him over to Petrovsky's, where she learns he's had a child who is now grown and he can't have any more. She's slightly thrown off by the idea that she doesn't have the option to have a child if she ever wanted one, but she's also confronted with the idea that if she really wanted one, wouldn't she have found a way to have one by now? During Charlotte's shift with Brady, he sees her and Harry having sex and she is convinced she has permanently scarred him. Samantha finally tells Smith she has cancer and then drops his name to get a spot with the new doctor. To me, 'Catch-38' shows the series hitting it's most mature stride, from the jokes to the storylines. As the women age, the stories begin to reflect the conundrums of nearing middle age - the pressures and expectations of what our lives SHOULD look like at almost 40. The episode is a pretty great look into Carrie's psyche and shows us how and perhaps why she ended up with Petrovsky (for awhile anyway) in this final season. Unfortunately, points had to be deducted for the mention of Harvey Weinstein.

Memorability 4

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 24

Joke Value 14

Fashion 17

Score: 88

#22 "The Post-It Always Sticks Twice" 6.7 When I think about episodes that I can rewatch at any given moment, I never think of Season 6. I've probably seen it as a whole the least amount of times out of all the seasons. It's almost as if the show ended at Season 5 and Season 6 was the first movie. However, this episode is the exception. I have seen it so many times, I've been known to yell "You're so busy. You're SOOO BUSY!" at my one year old daughter apropo of nothing. I'll sign off on work emails with "Motherfucker's concise." I have gone to bed after saying to my husband "I'd get high," and he's replied "Wait, are you serious?" a la Charlotte soon-to-be Goldenblatt. I Stan a raging Carrie. In the aftermath of Berger's break up Post It, Carrie is enraged and desperate to make the day memorable for a reason other than Berger dumping her on paper. The girls go to Bed, a hot new club featuring beds instead of tables. When the girls arrive, Carrie bumps into one of Berger's friends and says hello. He mentions that he knew Berger and her "had some problems" to which she responds, "Yeah. And he was bad in bed," among other awkward things. Turns out Berger's friends are just as fucking stupid as he is. Miranda steps out in her "skinny jeans" and is feeling herself so hard that she obtains the courage to ask a few strangers to share their pot. This leads the girls out of Bed and into a dive bar. Charlotte is sheepish about being engaged for a second time, until she makes friends with some girls celebrating a bachelorette party. When Smith says he's not seeing anyone special on TRL, Sam gets surprisingly melancholy. Her and Carrie share a joint outside the bar until a cop comes and busts Carrie. It's an episode so full of story and one-liners and gags that it's just impossible to not enjoy. It's not an impactful or particularly searing episode but it's so silly in its desperation for epicness and the final scene just makes me laugh.

Memorability 5

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 24

Joke Value 15

Fashion 17

Score: 89

#21 "Belles of the Balls" 4.10 So many ball references! Puns for days, gags for weeks! It's Ball-a-palooza in New York City. Well, kind of, because Steve is feeling sad about having only one ball left. Womp, womp. This is also our introduction to Richard Wright. BIG WOMP. 'Belles of the Balls' juxtaposes two main ideas; how men and women are different, and how men and women are exactly the same. This is one of those episodes where Carrie's utter insanity i.e. selfishness is on full display. Big calls her in the middle of the night to complain about Willow Summers dodging his calls. This, understandably, makes Aidan uncomfortable and Carrie feels that they should talk it out and try to know each other better. Yes, because the first thing your boyfriend wants to do is buddy up to the guy you cheated on him with....Charlotte has to convince Trey to get his sperm tested since they haven't conceived after 3 months of trying. Samantha gets a meeting with Richard and he tells her he can't hire her because she slept with his architect, prompting her to cry for the first time at work (she gets the job). Miranda goes testicle implant shopping with Steve to no success, and out of pity, she fucks him (hi Brady!). But all of this pales to the second half of the episode when, in a fit of despair, Big drives to Aidan's country home to see Carrie after Willow breaks up with him. After getting drunk and crashing at the house, Big tries to get friendly with Aidan the next morning. They have a massive fight in the mud, ending in friendship and Carrie yelling "Stop it! You're middle-aged!". I truly can't believe Aidan's graciousness in this scenario, and honestly, I never bought Big's obsession with Willow. Still, this episode is so fun to watch.

Memorability 5

Storyline 16

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 16

Score: 89

#20 "They Shoot Single People, Don't They?" 2.4 Our beloved Michael Patrick King wrote this episode, so you KNOW a pun or two is in store. You also know that Carrie is going to get the shit kicked out of her and will be forced to show some vulnerability. This is the "Single and Fabulous?" episode, in which Carrie is told she's going to be on the cover of New York magazine's "Single and Fabulous" issue only to discover the issue is actually a skewering look at pathetic single women in Manhattan (the cover shows a picture of an ultra-thrashed Carrie smoking a cigarette and there is literally a tagline under her face that says 'Eat, drink, and never-be-married.' HAHA). In light of the cover and the article, the girls all settle for old flames and men who just happen to be available. Miranda takes up with a guy she used to fake orgasms with, Charlotte dates a handyman friend,and Samantha starts seeing a club owner. After a Bradley Cooper cameo, Carries goes to lunch by herself and it's truly fabulous. I'd like to commemroate this exchange from this episode: "Orgasms don't send you Valentine's Day cards. They don't hold your hand in a sad movie." "Mine do." I am giving points in the outfit department because Carrie dancing in her pink trousers gave me a heart attack, but that's about it.

Memorability 5

Storyline 16

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 20

Score: 90

#19 "The Real Me" 4.2 I don't know what it was, but during my rewatch of this episode (and I've seen it at least eight times), I literally laughed out loud. There's just something so delicious about Carrie getting fully absorbed in the idea that she's a model, only to fall flat on her face. Obviously, this episode gets full points for outfits because Carrie dons the infamous bejeweled panties. As far as the story goes, Carrie is asked to walk in a fashion show as a "normal person" among models. It's one of those rare episodes where the men are completely forgettable and basically irrelevant (with the exception of Alan Cumming as a Dolce & Gabbana designer). I couldn't help but wonder, is this episode more memorable as the one where Charlotte's vagina is depressed, or the one where Carrie says she would buy Vogue magazine instead of dinner because it fed her more. You be the judge.

Memorability 5

Storyline 14

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 20

Score: 90

#18 "Just Say Yes" 4.12 The one where Carrie's building goes co-op so Aidan offers to buy her apartment, move in, and oh, also marry her? So yeah! This episode is packed. Welcome to Carrie & Aidan: Fiance Edition! Carrie finds a (hideous) engagement ring in Aidan's overnight bag and throws up in her sink; partly because the ring is bad and partly because she's not ready to marry Aidan. Miranda tells Steve that she's pregnant and they decide to co-parent and not be together. Samantha and Richard begin to see eye to eye and hook up on a flight to Brazil. Charlotte and Trey start in vitro, and Charlotte puts them on a list for a Mandarin baby as an insurance plan. Bunny makes it clear that this is not part of the Macdougal lineage, causing Charlotte to blow up at Trey at a party for telling Bunny about their plans. Trey drops a bomb and tells Charlotte he doesn't want to try to have a baby anymore because he's tired and likes to play golf. Throughout the episode, Carrie goes back and forth on how she wants to answer Aidan's big question. She runs into Big and he tells her Aidan isn't the guy for her and that she's not the marrying kind. While out walking Pete with Aidan, he finally gets down on one knee and pops the question with a brand new ring and she says yes. It's cute and made very sad by the fact that they are going to break up three episodes from now.

Memorability 5

Storyline 17

Politically Palatable 13

Performances 23

Joke Value 15

Fashion 17

Score: 90

#17 "I Love A Charade" 5.8 I guess I'm just a sucker for wedding episodes. In the Season 5 closer, the girls set up their Season 6 arcs and take a trip to the Hamptons for the wedding of Carrie's old lounge singer friend Bobby Fine (a delicious Nathan Lane) and his bride-to-be, Bitsy Von Muffling. The thing is, everyone thought Bobby was gay (and he doesn't help his case when he pretends to grate cheese on Stanford's boyfriend's abs). On the way there, Carrie runs into Berger who is newly single and now a motorcycle rider. Samantha throws a party at Richard's Hampton house where Charlotte and Harry's hairless yet rashy back make their debut as a couple. Berger comes to the party but abruptly dips out when Carrie starts waxing poetic about break ups. Miranda and Steve have sex, leaving her confused about where they stand. Charlotte tells Harry she thinks she's falling in love with him, and he divulges that he can only marry a Jewish woman. Berger shows up at the wedding reception and asks Carrie out on a date. Like I said, many an arch is established in this episode. It's a sweet end to the bite-sized season (only 8 episodes) and establishes a lot of important plot points for the journey to come. It's one of those rare episodes where the main event has nothing to do with any of the characters, making it ripe with top notch jokes and an easiness that Carrie-centric episodes don't normally achieve. Letting the Fine wedding be the main event was a great way to get the next batch of storylines in the oven to bake. It's also just a really pretty and warm episode.

Memorability 5

Storyline 15

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 22

Joke Value 15

Fashion 19

Score: 90

#16 "Hop, Skip, and a Week" 6.6 A break up and a make up! Samantha gets Smith a gig as a model in an Absolut Vodka ad that is...suggestive. Smith is butt hurt because he thinks the three-story billboard of his naked body makes him seem like an asshole. He forgives Samantha after he gets cast in a Gus Van Sant movie. Miranda struggles with mom guilt as she pulls crazy hours at her office and Magda spends more time with Brady than she does. A bitchy Rosemarie Dewitt doens't help the situation. She decides to cut back her hours, by like, 5 hours a week? Carrie and Berger are having a rocky go of it (this is actually the last we'll see of Berger, but not the last we'll hear about him), so Berger decides that he needs a break at his Hamptons house to think about things. A weirdly done minor subplot is that Carrie is summoned for Jury Duty...ok moving on. Charlotte is being pimped out by all the Jewish mothers now that Harry has left her. She attends a singles' mixer at the synagogue to meet one of the suitors, David (who is Mariska Hargitay's husband in real life) and finds his Yale pedigree and good looks boring. When David leaves, Charlotte lingers at the mixer and finds Harry, looking literally the saddest he has ever looked, and immediately approaches him to apologize. He proposes to her on the spot and it's real great. In other not-cute developments, Berger returns from his break full of love and willingness to work on things with Carrie. But PSYCH - in the morning, Berger leaves Carrie all alone in her apartment with only pink carnations and the infamous Post-it note to end all Post-It notes. "I'M SORRY I CANT DON'T HATE ME-"

Memorability 5

Storyline 16

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 23

Joke Value 15

Fashion 16

Score: 90

#15 "Running with Scissors" 3.11 Carrie and Big's affair is starting to get a little acrid. She finally tells Miranda in the hopes that she'll convince her to stop. In other news, Samantha really wants to fuck a guy who won't fuck her unless she gets an AIDS test, which she's never had because she's scared (what!). Miranda is hate-flirting with a guy in a sandwich suit. As Charlotte is wedding dress shopping (meet Anthony Marantino!) for her upcoming nuptials to Trey, she bumps into Carrie and Big and finds out about the affair. She immediately serves Carrie some cold, hard truth. DESPITE CHARLOTTE RIPPING CARRIE A NEW ASSHOLE, she goes to Big's house to fuck him again (seriously). In a scene I can only describe as Breaking Bad levels of stress, Natasha comes home early and finds Carrie topless trying to dodge her. She chases after herdown a flight of stairs and falls, chipping a tooth and splitting her lip. Big and Carrie end their affair in the hospital while Natasha gets stitched up. In case anyone was wondering, Samantha is AIDS free. It's an intense episode, with a heaviness that makes it unusual compared to the show's lighter fare. But, as a viewer we know the affair has to end and that it has to end in a big way, making it a satisfying watch.

Memorability 5

Storyline 19

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 25

Joke Value 13

Fashion 15

Score: 91

#14 "Easy Come, Easy Go" 3.9 Who allowed this whole "Booth Bitch" bit to continue for so long!? I almost called the police. This episode is about head vs. heart, which is really what most episodes are about. So, Big and Natasha are shopping for furniture when they run into Aidan's Booth Bitch, formerly known as Carrie. Big's face when he first lays eyes on Aidan is truly *chef's kiss*. Big gets drunk and tells Carrie he's leaving Natasha, in a weird word tango of foreplay and flirting and negging that basically works. There's a lot of prolonged eye contact and reading between the lines. This exchange begets one of my favorite jokes in the whole series - "What do winners order?" We have no choice but to Stan. We get to meet Bunny MacDougal and her creepy hypnosis of Trey. Charlotte asks Trey to marry her using Bunny's tactics and he says "Alrighty." He makes it up to her by taking her to Tiffany's later. Samantha hooks up with Bobby Cannavale and tries to solve why his "spunk" is so foul-tasting. Miranda and Steve navigate their break up as Steve sleeps on her couch. Aidan offers to strip Carrie's floors, which is very kind, but also prompts Carrie to go write at a hotel. Dun, dun, dun! Big finds out Carrie is staying at a hotel for the night and shows up in the lobby, urging her to meet him. Carrie comes down in underwear and a trench coat, as one does, and Big proceeds to tell her that he made a mistake and he misses her (it's actually quite scary when he follows her into the elevator, I really did almost call the police). They kiss, Big tells her he loves her, and the Carrie/Big affair begins.

Memorability 5

Storyline 18

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 23

Joke Value 14

Fashion 18

Score: 92

#13 "Splat!" 6.18 or 6B.6 "Wanna talk about cancer? Anyone?," an amazing line Samantha should've said at that painful dinner party, yikes. Only one other line could rival it, and it is the line said by none other than Lexi Featherston before she plummets to her death, "God. I'm so bored, I could die." Let's get into it. A mini recap of this episode will not do it the justice it deserves but I will try. So turns out Aleksander Petrovsky is a snob! A snob who wants Carrie to leave New York and move to Paris with him, like, indefinitely. She contemplates the pros and cons of this decision and the others share their reservations, which only pisses her off. It may not be the lightest, funniest or most memorable episode, but it is so rich with despair that it sticks out to me in the sixth season line up. No other episode marks the end of an era like 'Splat!' Not only is it set amid a backdrop of a white and powdery Manhattan, which is so rare throughout the series, but it contends with the fact that everyone is moving on. From the death of Lexi Featherston to Enid's depressing and inappropriate play at Petrovsky in front of Carrie (and subsequent chastising of Carrie for dating outside of her age bracket), the episode is rife with change and reckoning, leading up to Carrie and Miranda's fight about Petrovsky. Carrie confirms that she's leaving New York and has quit her column, so "some 29-year-old single girl with all new problems" can write it. Even this statement reeks of anguish to me; a life Carrie once knew, that she's willingly leaving, but we get the sense that she's only leaving so she isn't the one getting left behind. P.S. Elizabeth Taylor has puppies.

Memorability 5

Storyline 17

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 24

Joke Value 15

Fashion 17

Score: 92

#12 "La Douleur Exquise!" 2.12 Much like the twelfth episode of Season 1, the twelfth episode of Season 2 also ends in a break up and boy is it nasty. Big casually mentions that he might have to move to Paris for awhile as he's literally about to hop in a taxi and fly overseas. Carrie is not just devastated, she's enraged. This hefty and sad plotline is made lighter by Charlotte, Miranda, and Stanford's escapades. Charlotte engages with a foot fetishist in order to score free shoes. Miranda dates a dashing Will Arnett, who gets off on having sex where he can get caught. And Stanford explores cybersex in seedy chat rooms as username Rick9Plus. Throughout this episode, Carrie blames herself for putting up with Big's shit for so long, calling herself a masochist. My unpopular opinion about this particular Carrie/Big break up is that Big is partially right. Carrie's anger is authorized - Big repeatedly echoes old patterns of tired, and immature antics, but when she visits him with McDonalds in tow, and tells him she'll make it work in France and write "Le Sex in Le City," and he tells her that it would be great, as long as she's not making all these changes for him (a bittersweet foreshadowing into Season 6) I think Big is actually showing some responsibility, just not in the likeness of the emotional boyfriend that Carrie so craves. I like to think that Big knows if Carrie left New York for any reason other than her own desire to go, she would be miserable, which turns out to be true much later. This episode is chock full of SJP rage fests and it's so good to see. Carrie drunk calling Big is still one of my favorite scenes. "I am a WO-MAN!"

Memorability 5

Storyline 17

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 24

Joke Value 15

Fashion 17

Score: 92

#11 "Change of A Dress" 4.15 Is anyone surprised that Aidan wants to get married in Hawaii? The pressure is on Carrie to set a date with Aidan and the thought of an impending wedding freaks her out. To try and warm Carrie's cold feet, Miranda takes her to a bad bridal shop so the two of them can try on silly dresses. They come out of the fitting rooms giggling, until suddenly Carrie breaks out in a flaming rash and has a panic attack. She tells Aidan she's not ready to get married and he takes it a bit too well. It should be noted that on the way to the bridal shop, Carrie dons her most bonkers outfit of the entire series, in my opinion and maybe the opinion of anyone who has seen this episode. Allow me; one green wreath-esque crown atop her head (fashioned in a high bun), paired with a cropped, pink button-up tied in a know at the belly button over a white tank top. But wait! A green, polka-dotted belt over her bare abdomen, along with a flowing mid-length green patterned skirt and heels. To top it all off, a cream, crocheted clutch with giant knitting needle handles. It's incendiary. As Coco Chanel advised, take one thing off before leaving the house. Miranda finds out she's having a boy. There's a brief Susan Sharon sighting. For the first time ever, I noticed how uncomfortable the chairs in Coffee Shop look. Samantha has "caught monogamy" and is falling hard for Richard, all the while he canoodles with Manhattan's elite and Bebe London. To get back at him, Sam sleeps with a gossip columnist and feels shitty about it. Charlotte is reeling from her looming divorce and takes a tap dance class, which really made me sad this watch. My sadness was quickly replaced with one large cackle when Sam says to Carrie, "You can take tap with Bo Jangles over here." In the second to last scene, Aidan urges Carrie to fly to Vegas and get married and she recoils. We find out that Aidan is pushing to tie the knot because he doesn't quite trust that Carrie is all his. Watching this final fight between Carrie and Aidan this time around, I actually found that the break up didn't pack as big a punch as I remembered. There is something in the way that SJP and Corbett are acting in defeat that tells you it's kind of been over for awhile. Still, the episode is a must-watch.

Memorability 5

Storyline 17

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 23

Joke Value 14

Fashion 20

Score: 93

#10 "The Chicken Dance" 2.7 I would recommend this episode as an appetizer to any newcomer of the show. It has all the right ingredients for a scrumptious SATC canape. It has a quippy and cynical crust, with a meaty friendship filling, and a sprinkle of Big drama all wrapped up in a cringey wedding to make a fully baked episode of pleasure. In preparation for hosting an old friend visiting from London, Miranda employs an intetior decorator to jazz up her place. Miranda's plans for the friend to fall madly in love with her fall through when he meets the interior decorator and proposes to her after one week. Suddenly, the girls are preparing for a wedding. Carrie is asked to write a poem for the affair, Charlotte is a bridesmaid, and Miranda is assigned to watch the guestbook (LOL). Big invites himself to the wedding so he can see Carrie read her poem. When the big day arrives, Big refuses to sign the card on the gift Carrie gets the couple and it actively bothers her throughout the wedding, including when Big takes a call while she reads a poem. The only downside to this episode is Charlotte getting gaslit by a loser who slut shames her for her dress and defends his molesty dad after he grabs Charlotte's ass cheek. Yuck. Anywayyyyy. There's something to be said for an episode that keeps the girls' storylines contained within one long arch. It's fun to see them together and there are so many great moments, including Carrie's nude Donna Karan gown.

Memorability 5

Storyline 17

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 23

Joke Value 15

Fashion 19

Score: 93

#9 "The Ick Factor" 6.14 or 6B.2 This episode is about the inherent cheesiness of romance and how icky it can all be. Speaking of ickiness, Carrie wears hot pink Uggs in this episode. If you blink, you'll miss it. Aleksandr Petrovsky's intense romantic gestures are making Carrie uneasy. He reads her poems, he writes her music, and lays on chaise sofas fireside in th evening. When she confronts him about her intolerance to his grandiosity, he buys her an Oscar de la Renta dress she's been pining for from his good friend Oscar, and then she faints on the way to the opera from the sheer drama of it all. LOL. They ditch the opera and go to McDonalds instead. In an attempt to woo Charlotte, Harry takes her to a seven course French dinner at which they both get food poisoning and some...gastrointestinal stress. On a casual afternoon, Miranda proposes to Steve on a whim and they decide to wed in a little garden off the beaten path. In a consultation to get breast implants, Samantha finds out she has breast cancer, beginning one of her most significant storylines. Miranda is the perfect anti-bride, and naturally the wedding is lovely. I mean, if you don't lose it when Carrie grabs Samantha's hand during "in sickness and in health," find Jesus, babygirl. It's kind of a perfect episode.

Memorability 5

Storyline 17

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 23

Joke Value 15

Fashion 19

Score: 94

#8 "Ex and the City" 2.18 In the Season 2 finale, the girls confront their seemingly insurmountable obstacles like seeing an ex-boyfriend out in the wild, the ever-elusive friendship with an ex, horseback riding, and a giant dick. Steve confronts Miranda about how shitty it was to dodge him on the sidewalk and they sleep together again. Charlotte tries to get back on the horse, literally. Samantha sees a guy who is extremely well endowed. Carrie attempts to start a friendship with Big now that he's back in the city only to discover that he is engaged to Natasha after 5 months of knowing her. In the last five minutes of the episode we're thrust into a delightful retelling of "The Way We Were," the 1973 Streisand/Redford vehicle. We get a lovely homage in which Carrie is Katie and Big is Hubble (she essentially stalks Big outside his engagement party in a white dress). She was always too wild for him to break, which is why he settled for plain ole' Natasha. Besides the hilarious close up on a horse breaking away from its harness, this episode is great. If you haven't already noticed, I live for an SJP freak out. And Cattrall delivering a final "I miss James!" is just the hit I needed to remove the sting of the boozy lunch fight.

Memorability 5

Storyline 17

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 24

Joke Value 15

Fashion 18

Score: 94

#7 "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda" 4.11 We're having a baby!? I could go on and on about "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda," I love it. My heart literally melted when Miranda and Carrie are sitting in the waiting room at the abortion clinic and Miranda asks Carrie how long until "you felt back to normal?" To which Carries replies, "Any day now." Sigh. Unfortunately, this episode gives Aiden the opportunity to give his two cents on abortion, but besides that we get a Lucy Liu cameo and the introduction to Miranda's pregnancy! The storylines in this episode are prime SATC; Charlotte finds out she has a 15% chance of getting pregnant, Miranda finds out she's pregnant with Steve's baby and Carrie visits the waiter who got her pregnant when she was 22. To me, this episode is so much more complex than it seems on the surface. The dichotomy between Charlotte desperate for a baby and Miranda desperate to not have one is the perfect playing field and it's done with the right amount of sensitivity. Even the fashion reflects so much more than meets the eye. Carrie notably rocks a high side pony with what appears to be a fluffy black scrunchie (GASP) and a Madonna-esque string of pearls, perhaps an ensemble reminiscent of her 1980s rendezvous at Tunnel with Chad from The Saloon?? Nothing gets past Pat Fields.

Memorability 5

Storyline 18

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 24

Joke Value 14

Fashion 19

Score: 94

#6 "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" 3.12 As is customary in a twelfth episode, a break up occurs. This time, it's Carrie and Aidan (Round One). In one of my favorite episodes, the girls prepare for Charlotte and Trey's wedding. Miranda pretends to be a stewardess to get a date for the wedding. Charlotte and Samantha, once again prove that they are actually frenemies. Samantha sleeps with Trey's Scottish cousin. Charlotte admits to the girls that she hasn't slept with Trey yet, and they are rightfully stunned. When she comes home drunk and horny the night before the wedding, she urges Trey to make love to her only to find he can't get it up. I find it absolutely brilliant (and maybe a little cruel) that Charlotte, who has withheld sex from Trey for the entirety of their relationship, finds out they're not sexually compatible the night before she marries him. When Charlotte tells Carrie about the mishap, Carrie offers that perhaps he jerked off before she came over? Sure. Let's go with that. Mazel! Anyway, Carrie comes clean about the affair before the ceremony, and Aidan dumps her. Unfortunately, Corbett doesn't hold a candle to Parker in the break up scene. In a devastatingly sweet end, we get an ode to friendship in Carrie's final line - "It's hard to find people who will love you no matter what. I was lucky enough to find three of them."

Memorability 5

Storyline 19

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 23

Joke Value 15

Fashion 17

Score: 94

#5 "I Heart NY" 4.18 In which Carrie makes the pun of her life, "If you're tired you take a nappa, you don't move to Napa!" 'I Heart NY' was the last episode to be shot before 9/11, which makes it all the more astounding. Notably, MPK had the towers taken out of the title sequence starting at episode 4.13. It's a bit uncanny how nostalgic the episode feels for being shot prior to 9/11 and in my opinion, the nostalgia leaks into the next season as well. I happen to find 'I Heart NY' to be one of the more perfect episodes of the series. The "Moon River" of it all, the Brady birth! In the Season 4 finale, Big drops the bomb that he's leaving New York to live in Napa at his new vineyard. Carrie plans an elaborate and perfectly Old New York send-off, replete with horse-drawn carriage, dinner and dancing. Samantha is officially in love with Richard and is deeply annoyed by that fact. She stalks him in a wig and finds out he is in fact cheating on her. Charlotte says yes to her first dinner date since her separation, but he turns out to be intimidated by her massive apartment. Miranda prepares for the baby and during Carrie's classic NYC date with Big she goes into labor. Welcome Brady!

Memorability 5

Storyline 17

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 24

Joke Value 15

Fashion 19

Score: 95

#4 "Sex and Another City" 3.14 In Part Deux of the crew's adventures in Los Angeles, the girls continue to rail on its vapidness and obsession with sex. However, after a week, they start to consider that maybe the neuroses of NYC isn't as happening as it used to be (this doesn't last, who are we kidding). Plus, there are cameos galore and Brazilian waxes aplenty! Miranda visits a guy named Lew who used to be a cynical New Yorker and now resides in LA where he drinks green tea infusions and doesn't swallow his food after chewing it. Carrie meets Keith Travers (played by a delicious Vince Vaughn in his prime) who poses as an agent but is really Carrie Fisher's (and Penny Marshall's and Ben Affleck's) assistant (it is so good). Samantha meets her idol, Hugh Hefner, who invites her to the Playboy mansion. Back in New York, Charlotte and Trey have still not fucked, so she joins the girls in LA to escape her dreadful sex life. The girls attend a party at the Playboy mansion, where Charlotte is offered a new pair of boobs and Samantha gets in a tiff with a Playboy bunny when she thinks she stole her fake Fendi. In the end, the girls are happy to return to New York, the land of intellect and realness.

Memorability 5

Storyline 18

Politically Palatable 14

Performances 23

Joke Value 15

Fashion 20

Score: 95

#3 "The Good Fight" 4.13 Aidan and his preventative Rogaine have moved into Carrie's apartment and she's going crazy from the lack of space, literally and metaphorically. She misses her "Secret Single Behavior." Charlotte is adjusting to her new life with Trey and without a baby. The tension is palpable and finally mounts when Trey brings home a cardboard cut-out baby. Samantha and Richard continue to get hot and heavy with Sam falling a little harder than expected. Miranda really wants to have sex with a new guy she's dating but has hang ups about revealing her pregnancy and the tackiness of sleeping with one guy while pregnant with another guy. Carrie is forced to clean out her closet to make room for Aidan which leads us to one of my favorite fights in the whole series (which is saying something since this episode centers on fighting in relationships. Trey and Charlotte are a close second in this episode). This time around, I watched it twice. For the record, Pete is the villain here and Carrie's reaction to him chewing up her Blahniks is completely justified. HOWEVER, since Carrie asked for a referee I'll take the job. Carrie's tireless insistence on Aidan's stuff getting in the way of HER space is a little unfair considering she said he could move in. The energy of the performances in this episode (other than poor Cynthia who seems to have a cold) is so frenetic, and the images that director Charles McDougall pulls off are truly wonderful; Charlotte and Trey alone in the dining room with an entire dining table between them, the transition from Samantha giving Richard a BJ in his office (a little Claire Anne homage) to the next scene, that final strut down the street. Extra points for Roberto Cavalli circa '99. Magnifique!

Memorability 5

Storyline 18

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 24

Joke Value 15

Fashion 19

Score: 95

#2 "Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women" 2.17 A Darren Star masterpiece; the only flaw in this episode is that Miranda doesn't have much to do. The ladies get a share in the Hamptons and it's like Spring Breakers minus James Franco. Carrie's suitor in this episode, Dr. Bradley Migo, is completely boring, but I think that's by design as this is the episode that Big returns from Paris with his Bride-to-Be Natasha a.k.a. Najinsky a.k.a. the Idiot Stick Figure With No Soul. Carrie also gets a groupie in abstinent Laurel Harris, a twenty-something aspiring writer. Charlotte pretends she's 27 and hooks up with a 26 year old who gives her crabs. When Samantha makes fun of her putting on oil at the beach, me and my Snow White complexion felt that. When Miranda leaves the beach to go grocery shopping for seafood and corn, I also felt that. Samantha's ex-assistant Nina G invites Samantha and the girls to her first public relations event, a Hamptons Hoedown after leaving Samantha's firm and stealing her rolodex. This is where Carrie sees Big with Natasha, his twenty-something girlfriend, for the first time. Carrie is so stunned by the meeting that she pukes on the beach while angel Miranda holds her hair. A mystery this episode fails to solve is where Carrie got this photo album of pictures of herself from the 90s. Did she bring it for the trip? Is it just, there at the Hamptons share? Am I missing something?Anyway, this episode packs so many punches. It's sad, it's funny, it's quintessential.

Memorability 5

Storyline 18

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 24

Joke Value 15

Fashion 19

Score: 96

#1 "My Motherboard, My Self" 4.8 "My Motherboard, My Self" is an episode that does not get the credit it deserves because it has so few of the spoils and comforts we love and look for in a lighter SATC episode. It's a rumination on loss, a celebration of platonic friendship, an exploration in support, and an extremely subtle foreshadowing of Carrie and Aidan's demise as a couple. Carrie's computer crashes while she's writing and Aidan attempts to fix it with zero success. While they are both at the repair shop, she calls Miranda to complain about how she's afraid she's going to lose everything she's ever written. Miranda reveals that she's in Philadelphia because her mother had a heart attack. The death of Miranda's mother shines a revealing light on all of the characters. Charlotte reveals herself, predictably, as the friend who says and does everything by the rules, becoming the 'Martha Stewart of death.' Carrie takes the "I don't know what to say" approach, and Samantha is completely incapable of allowing herself to feel grief at all, channeling all of her pent up despair into chasing an orgasm she can't seem to find. Miranda shares an intimate moment with a lady who insists on sizing her for a new bra. While Carrie's computer is in the shop, Aidan gets her a new one that has a handle "like a purse" that she hates. Her hatred for it is a weakly veiled attempt to guard Aidan from getting closer to her and he takes notice. At the funeral, Miranda is forced to walk down the aisle at the church alone, until Carrie swiftly joins her side and takes her hand. Samantha finally breaks down and tells Miranda she's sorry (Kim Cattrall really nails it) and Aidan and Steve both show up in support of Carrie and Miranda, despite both of them believing they didn't need it. Carrie finally invests in a zip drive, Hallelujah. This episode, wedged in the middle of Season 4 marks a change in the series on so many levels, I had to put it first (and fudge the Fashion section to make it number 1!).

Memorability 5

Storyline 20

Politically Palatable 15

Performances 25

Joke Value 14

Fashion 18

Score: 97