THE INCIDENTAL CHRISTMAS MOVIE SCALE

Sometimes a binary just doesn't do the job.

A graphic I actually spent time on.

It’s come to my attention that my favorite movies to watch during the holidays are not widely considered "Christmas movies". Your You've Got Mails, your Hustlers. To that I say, Christmas is a construct. Allow me to explain.

There is a difference between a Christmas movie and a movie you watch at Christmastime. For instance, Ratatouille might feel like an excellent movie to watch at Christmastime, but it is not a Christmas movie at all. Elf is both a Christmas movie and a movie you watch at Christmastime (AND a movie you can watch outside of Christmas when you need a quick hit of cheer). And then, there are movies that never cross your mind after October 31st, the ones that aren’t Christmas movies nor are they appropriate for any sort of merriment or coziness, like, I don’t know, The Trial of the Chicago Seven.

We can agree on the classics; Home Alone, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, etc. But what about those movies that fall into a grey area? The ones that depict Christmas but the holiday is not necessarily integral to the story? What about the ones that just have a Christmassy feeling? How can we delineate this important distinction? I’ve got the answer.

In the 1940s, Alfred Kinsey theorized that human sexuality is a spectrum - a scale with gradations that humans can move up and down at different stages. “The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats,” he said. “It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories... The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects.” In other words, we’re hella fluid y’all, and so is the Christmas movie canon. Behold the Incidental Christmas Movie Scale. Never has fluidity been so crucial.

The scale goes as follows:

Christmas Occurs: Obviously, this is the bare minimum. If Christmas is not even mentioned, verbally or visually, than it doesn't even make it on the scale. Whether you watch it at Christmastime or not. It can be your own little secret, but it doesn't make the scale.

Cozy Vibes: Cozy is interpretive, of course. It seems that coziness is an essential prerequisite for a holiday flick, but some movies watched during the holidays are missing cozy vibes of the hot chocolate/cashmere sweater variety (I'm thinking of The Godfather, which I tend to watch around Easter rather than Christmas or Die Hard which I have admittedly not seen) and employ just a, vibe. Christmas occurs, but the coziness is subjective.

Christmas Tree Sighting: This could be taken literally, as in a Christmas Tree actually appears on screen, or taken as shorthand for Christmas decor in general. Either way, a real Christmas movie should probably feature some sort of twinkliness, glitter, greenery or snow. Lush textures, knits/shearling/velvet, are a bonus.

Features A Christmas Song: Ironic or not, featuring a song that specifically mentions Christmas, New Year's, Winter or the Holidays really increases the likelihood that the movie at hand is a proper Christmas movie.

Dysfunctional Family: For me, this is an important marker of a true holiday film. Big families, dysfunctional families, chosen families; they all scream Christmas to me. Throw in a pregnancy, a death, or an engagement (of which The Family Stone has all three!) and we are really cooking that Christmas ham.

Gift Exchange: An exchange of gifts is emblematic of a Christmas movie, especially if the gift(s) being exchanged make another character cry. THAT is canon.

Home For The Holidays: Traveling elsewhere and/or "going home" is one of those things that is simply symptomatic of a Christmas tale. It's a) universal because almost everyone travels somewhere and/or hosts someone and b) a great set up for things to go wrong. Any scene in an airport will tip you up the scale as well.

Christmas Is Integral to the Story: This is for those hardcore, without-a-doubt Christmas movies that simply couldn't exist without Christmas at the center of the story and couldn't be swapped with any other holiday. How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Elf, Bad Santa. You get the picture.

What's your favorite incidental Christmas movie and where does it fall on the scale?

*It should be noted that this is a very American scale. Places where Christmas is summery, like say, Australia, might not agree with this scale.