5 RANDOM COCKTAILS, RATED WITH GIFS

It’s my birthday month. Happy Pisces season! In celebration of my fellow water signs and in an attempt to stay true to my New Year’s Resolution, I decided to make five random cocktails I’ve never had before and rate them by the universal language of GIFs.

The Method: I used a random letter generator and a random number generator to come up with five letters and five numbers (between 1-25). With the help of an old cocktail guide I found in my house called Mr. Boston Official Bartender’s Guide 50th Anniversary Edition, I used the corresponding letter/number pairs to choose the cocktails to make. For example, if I had the letter ‘A’ and the number 18, I would go to cocktails beginning with ‘A’ and count to the 18th cocktail on the list. All the recipes I used were straight from this old ass cocktail guide. A true relic.

The Results:

1. Kentucky Colonel Cocktail

½ oz. Benedictine

1 ½ oz. Kentucky Bourbon

Stir with ice and strain into cocktail glass. Add a twist of lemon peel.

So, this is an apparent twist on an Old Fashioned and it tastes like one. Heavy on the bourbon, which I like, but made simpler by the loss of bitters and sugar. I had never had Benedictine before, which is a French herbal liquor that comes in a very chic bottle. I bought it at 10:30 in the morning on a Sunday and the man at BevMo! was unphased. It’s strong af, but if you like bourbon it’s a win. I am drinking it as I type this, and I can’t stop making typos if that’s any indication of its strength.

Rating:

2. Headless Horseman

2 oz. Vodka

3 dashes bitters

Pour into collins glass and add several ice cubes. Fill with ginger ale and stir. Decorate with a slice of orange.

This drink was bomb. Think a souped up Moscow Mule with more depth and a normal glass. The bitters and the orange add a totally new profile to a drinkable and easy cocktail.

Rating:

3. Robson Cocktail

2 tsp. Lemon Juice

1 tbsp. Orange Juice

1 ½ tsp. Grenadine

1 oz. Jamaica Rum

Shake with ice and strain into a cocktail glass.

This was so delicious and fun! Like something you would drink on a tropical vacation, or with Thai or Mexican food, or at brunch. Very tart and bright. Just an adorable lil thing.

Rating:

4. Acapulco

1 ½ oz. Rum

1 tbsp. Lime Juice

1 ½ tsp. Triple Sec

1 tsp. Sugar

1 egg white

Combine and shake all ingredients with ice and strain into old-fashioned glass over ice cubes. Add a sprig of mint.

Like a margarita that’s been sitting out too long, but not as sweet or even flavorful? After reading the ingredients for this drink, I was expecting a power punch in the kisser. But the flavors were very muted, almost watery, and it was too much work to warrant ever making again. I mean, I don’t want to crack an egg to get my drank on.

Rating:

5. Velvet Hammer No. 1

1 ½ oz. Vodka

1 tbsp. Creme de Cacao

1 tbsp. Light Cream

Shake with ice and strain into cocktail glass.

Um, ok. No. Just no. The cream, the creme, the overpowering vodka. I was immediately turned off by the white liquid that came spewing out of my shaker, and then to add to the misery, the taste was similar to a premade mixer. It looked like I was having a chilled serving of milk in a cocktail glass...which I basically was. Couldn’t finish it.

Rating: